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Five Routine Minutes: An Owl’s Job

An owl keeps hanging around outside my window.

An owl talking shit to me

He calls out in the early morning hours.

He wakes me at 2:30

I sleep pretty deeply, but sometimes he wakes me up. When I hear him, I go to the window to try to spot him.

He's out there, watching.

There isn’t a plan for what will happen after I spot him. That hasn’t been a problem.

Standing at the window at 2 a.m., I always have the same realization.

It's his job

I go back to bed feeling kind of dumb for trying again.

The owl is still out there.

Big jerk. Seeing in the dark doesnt make you cool

But I won’t see him when he shows up. He’s good at his job, and I’m nearsighted.

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27 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: An Owl’s Job”

  1. Anita Neuman says:

    Oh, and here I thought you were working towards a “spotted owl” pun.

  2. stevebetz says:

    When I saw the first window pic, I thought the owl had a gun and you were in the crosshairs. There’s a nice thought.

  3. Debbie says:

    Are you sure it’s an owl? I mean, couldn’t it be a mourning dove? Don’t they make a similar “whoo whoo whoo” type of noise? Regardless, for someone who hasn’t seen this particular bird, I’d say you’ve captured his essence pretty well (of course, it could be a “she,” couldn’t it??!)

    • omawarisan says:

      No, this is an owl because it does that “who cooks for you, who cooks for you” call. If my son comes on he’ll know what kind of owl that is.

      He’s also smart enough to know that the owl wouldn’t be sitting there waiting for him.

  4. Bryan says:

    You’re looking for an owl but I can tell from the illustration that the perp is a talking cat wearing Victoria’s Secret wings. You are welcome.

  5. If this happens for six nights in a row, you could write a song about it.

  6. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    I love the sound of owls in the night. Better that than the sound of a cat who sounds like a screeching baby or the sound of some drunk dude climbing over your fence. Frankly, my dog’s snoring could easily drown out both. Sleep well. Earplugs if you wish.

    • pegoleg says:

      Except the sound of owls going after a nice, rabbit dinner. I never knew that rabbits could make noise, until I heard one in the death throes. Not music to my ears.

      • omawarisan says:

        Drunk dudes usually climb over a particular person’s fence only one time. So, unless they’re making more drunk dudes, you’re ok. Yeah, they’re making more.

        Same goes for rabbits. They only make that noise one time. So unless they’re making mo…

        Damn. Never mind.

  7. Who does that owl think he is messing with? Who, Who, Who, does he think?
    He is no match for Oma.

  8. Do you really sleep in your glasses? And with no eyeballs?

  9. Maybe you can’t see him because you can’t see the glow of his eyes. His head is turned all the way around. Clever owl.

  10. I would identify the Owl from your picture as a Barred Owl.

  11. What a mean owl! It’s calling you a ho.

  12. Maybe the owl is lonely. If you buy one of those plastic owls and put it in the nearby tree, the real owl will think he’s found a friend — or a mate.

    • omawarisan says:

      I was originally very in to this idea. Then I thought about waking up to a string of owl pickup lines. I got as far as “hey baby, nice wings” and then opted out.

  13. planetross says:

    Maybe it has an important message from Ron, Hermione, or Hogwarts!


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