A Guy Who Looks Half Horse Half Man

So there I was, minding my own business, because that’s how things happen. Something did happen, in this case, the arrival of this guy that looked like one of those mythological half horse/half men guys. He looked just like one of those – he had a big head and one of those scraggly chin kind of beards, but no horse body.

I’m pretty sure that he was at least descended from that kind of guy. I’ll get back to him soon. First, I’m going on a short tangent.


Have you ever stopped to realize that there are no half woman/half horses? There aren’t. Also, there are pictures of those creatures with a bull’s head on a man’s body. There is no female equivalent.

What does this mean? It means that, even in mythology, women have the sense not to get involved in such things.

So Anyhow…

He looked like one of these guys, but with a beard with no mustache. The beard didn’t help him (image via popcultureaddictlifeguide.blogspot.com)

I did see this guy, and he just had that look. I approached him to fulfill my curiosity.

“Hey, my man”, that’s what I said to him, “if you don’t mind me saying, you look semi-equine. Is your daddy, or his daddy before him a half horse/half man? Maybe it’s another relative, farther down the line.”

Well, you’d have thought I’d said something bad about his momma, because right away he’s making with all this drama. I tried walking away, but I heard from his lawyer by the end of that day. He was suing me for a million dollars – nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and twenty-seven of which I did not have.

Motivated by my inability to pay, I elected to propose that we seek other means of resolving whatever damage occurred because I asked him what so many people want to know about him.

“Hey, my man”, that’s what I said to him, “suing me is gonna get you nothing, because nothing is all I’ve got. I’m open to some other solution, I’d understand if you’re not.”

All he wanted was to clear his name. He wanted to do it in a very public way. “I’m not at all a horse, that’s what I need to say. Because of people like you, my family lives in shame. Well, that is going to end, today.”

Because of people like me, that’s what he said. I obviously was not the only one, just the only one taking the blame. I had just seventy-three dollars and getting that cash was his aim. I put my mind to this matter, it was time to end his game.

I called and tried to make sense to this horse. “Hey, my man”, that’s what I said to him because I was trying not to emphasize the horse part, “I’m on a mission to end your family’s shame. I’ve got a website, tens of people read it every day. If you tell your tale there, my readers will be aware. They’ll treat you right, like you’re my main man. It’ll end your pain.”

He bought that. A few days later, he sent me his feelings. True to my word and in the interest of defending my last seventy-three dollars, I cut and pasted his feelings here for you.

Yeah, That’s What He Said

I was born here in the U.S., my parents’ first child after they emigrated from Greece. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been saddled with rumors that I was somehow descended from a half horse/half man, also referred to in mythology as a centaur.

I am not an animal, not in the least. I am a human being. A human who wants you to consider my feelings before you ask ridiculous questions about my lineage. My family and I deserve a normal life.

I’m a humble person. I married my high school sweetheart, Marilyn. We run a small packing and shipping shop. We decided to not hitch our business to either UPS or FedEx. Our independent shop allows us to provide our customers with the best rates of both carriers. Maybe some day you’ll stop by our place and let us earn your business. But my point in bringing the shop up isn’t to drum up customers. I want you to come by and see Mare and I at Pony Express to see that we are, like you, hard-working folks who are trying to make ends meet.

Mare and I are raising a son. His name is Colton. Colton struggled through his early school years because so many people teased him about this half horse thing. You can’t imagine how distracting it is to a little boy to constantly hear that kind of stuff about his dad.

Luckily, he seems to have hit his stride in high school. Colton has been on the track team for four years. It is like the kid was born to run. I can’t even describe the pride I feel when I see him round the last turn and come down the stretch. If I were a betting man, I’d bet on him getting a track scholarship.

My life and yours, they aren’t so different, are they? I love my family, I work and I come home and watch TV. Some nights, I’ll start a fire in the back yard fire pit, look up at the stars and maybe play a little pan flute.

Maybe you do that too. I just want to do it without the finger-pointing and whispers. Maybe one day you and I will find ourselves running in the same circle. I hope you’ll say hey.

So Anyway…

Animated sequence of a race horse galloping. P...

100% horse, 100 % man (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I let him have his say and he dropped the suit. I don’t suppose I can say that I’m seventy-three dollars richer, but I’m not any poorer.

What you think about him is up to you. Some will buy what he is saying. I’m sure there are naysayers out there. All I can tell you is what I saw. And there’s only one way someone looks that much like a half horse guy.

Someone’s great-great-great-great grandfather galloped into the gene pool.

16 Comments on “A Guy Who Looks Half Horse Half Man”

  1. benzeknees says:

    What about mermaids? Half woman/half fish?

  2. Laura says:

    I’m glad you were able to resolve your dispute amicably. I’m surprised you commented on a stranger’s appearance in an elevator, though. I thought you had more horse sense than that.

  3. That dude’s alright, we can plainly see. Why’s he stomp his foot whenever he counts to three?

  4. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Not to be rude, but “I know this dude”. He works at the track,in the town of Mare-Mack. He wields brushes and broom, and they call him a groom. I’ll now end this tale for you to regale and blame this whole thing on the cookies.

  5. Oma, 1; Half-man, half-horse, 0.

  6. Debbie says:

    I’m speechless. Congrats on resolving the issue to everyone’s approval. Never mind the neigh-sayers!

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