Five Routine Minutes: What Does Replace Mean?

Most days I bring my lunch to work.  I’ve usually got some leftovers in my lunch bag. A quick spin in the office microwave and I’m in business.

There’s always something good on the break room TV. A few weeks ago, we watched some guy who was trying to understand why some lions attacked him. I thought the buckets of raw meat he was carrying were a bigger factor than the “experts” seemed to. Last Friday, we watched some bumpkins wrestling catfish in muddy water. That show made the catfish look like sympathetic characters.

This week, tragedy struck the lunch routine. The microwave oven died. There was a short grieving period…

I put my lunch in the refrigerator (which still worked) and took myself out to eat. Usually, the microwave is replaced quickly.

The next morning, it had not been replaced.  This was discouraging. Later in the morning, an email was sent announcing that the old microwave “had been removed.”

Sometimes I get myself in trouble by taking things one step further than they were intended to be. I read “removed” and went one step beyond.

When I went in to heat up my lunch, I found that I was sort of correct. The old microwave oven was removed, and replaced by…

Don’t get me wrong, this was one fine toaster. It was a four-slotter, with polished chrome, a crumb tray, and adjustable brownness.  This was state of the toasting art. It was so wonderful I could hardly bear to be in its presence. Awesomeness came off it in waves that were so intense I had to put my sunglasses on to keep them from screwing up my rods and cones.

As I basked in the toaster’s magnificence, my memory brought bad news.

I forgot to draw my sunglasses.

Today’s lesson: Removed doesn’t always mean replaced. Replaced doesn’t imply adequately replaced.


22 Comments on “Five Routine Minutes: What Does Replace Mean?”

  1. Ok, it has to be said. I like your O face.

    And also, no soup for you.

    ::slinking away in shame::

  2. A workplace NEEDS a microwave, no question about that? Ours at home is reaching the end of its life. It always spins but doesn’t always heat… which is a problem! Makes me wonder how we survived as kids when we didn’t have microwaves?!?

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    A toaster?! Well, yeah, just place your bowl underneath and pour your soup into it. Be sure to set the toaster on “soup.” What’s wrong with the peeps where you work? You can get a new microwave for about 20 bucks these days! We’ve got a microwave AND a toaster OVEN at work. The toaster oven has no toasting nor baking capacity. You want toast? Get out a cigarette lighter.

    • omawarisan says:

      The guy who should buy the microwave has so little to do it is amazing. He has time to have a microwave warehouse.

      Is your office open on Sunday? I’ve got one more batch of soup frozen and I’m working. If not, just leave the door open, I’ll fly out and lock up when I’m gone.

      • Snoring Dog Studio says:

        If you can get past Security, yes. I’ll leave word with the guy in the lobby. He might want a cup of soup.

  4. If you put the soup or what ever other leftovers you have in the toaster and turn it on I’m pretty sure they will figure out they screwed up.

  5. Try the toaster. Once you pour your soup in there, it, too, will be removed. And maybe replaced with the microwave they should have brought.

  6. Laura says:

    A toaster? Do they still make those?

  7. It’s a sign to go out for lunch or bring a sandwich. I like the side smile!

  8. My place of work has a microwave. We also lots of people who bring frozen diet entrees in for lunch. Sadly, lunch is only a half hour. The microwave oven is of the Suzie Homemaker variety, wherein the 10 watt light bulb inside provides the majority of the heat. The first person into the break room puts their Lean Cuisine in the oven and 24 minutes later, it’s done. Everyone else lines their frozen entrees up next to the microwave in quiet desperation. Local ordnances prevent any of us from having our own microwaves hidden in our our offices. I find that putting my lunch on a sunny windowsill works fairly well, but bringing cold food items like sandwiches works best.

  9. spencercourt says:

    I guess budget cuts are responsible for that toaster. When our microwave went down, the office all contributed to a new one.

  10. What if you turned all 4 slots on and put the bowl of soup on top? Only lukewarm?

  11. Debbie says:

    How do they expect you to heat up soup in a toaster?? That’s like trying to bake brownies in a blender. Maybe they’re trying to tell you all that toast is better than soup. Or that the coffee’s already hot enough?!

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