An Open Letter To McDonalds
Posted: June 3, 2013 Filed under: favorites | Tags: comedy, going green, hand washing, humor, McDonald's, postaweek, Ronald McDonald, ronald mcdonald creepy 42 CommentsDear McDonalds,
I hope we agree that it is bad form to skip washing your hands after a visit to the rest room. There are folks who would tell you that I’ve displayed bad form in some aspects of my life. They’re probably correct, but anyone who says I take a pass on hand-washing is deceiving you. Rinse, soap, rinse, dry – that’s the kind of guy I am.
Why would anyone take this picture? (Photo credit: Dwight Burdette CC By 3.0)
You probably don’t know that’s the kind of guy I am. If I were a betting man, I’d bet that you think I don’t like drying my hands. Who could blame you for that? The last time I used the restroom in one of your restaurants I came out with a lot of water on my hands. The time before that, same thing. Also, the bathroom event previous to that…wet hands.
McDonalds, it isn’t me. It is you. Yes, you. I have a less than satisfying hand drying experience each time I take advantage of your facilities.
Going green is a positive. All the cool companies are doing it; I’m happy to see you on board. Not providing paper towels in your restrooms spares countless trees, for sure. But there is a problem.
And can we talk about this guy? (Photo credit: Wikipedia, public domain)
The warm air hand dryers you offer as an alternative to those towels rarely work. They make noise, and they do move air around, but the air isn’t what I’d call warm. Our science teachers taught us that evaporation requires some level of warmth, surely you recall that.
A lack of warmth is what makes your hand driers useless. When my hands are wet, I don’t need wind chill. Evaporation is what matters. On behalf of your customers, and people like me, please consider upgrading the efficiency of your driers.
Sincerely,
Omawarisan – one of those people who uses your restroom and leaves without buying anything.
P.S. Put Ronald McDonald out to pasture. He defines creepy.
Blurt 
Mr. Omawarisan: Hot air is reserved for paying customers.
Sincerely, R. McDonald.
P.S. If wearing white makeup, bright red lipstick and a yellow jumper over a striped rugby shirt is creepy, then, yes, Mr. Omawarisan, I guess am creepy, but I’m also rich!
P.S.S. I’m enclosing a coupon for a free hamburger. Tell Wendy I said hi.
At what cost, Ron? It isn’t too late. Wash that stuff off and try a new image.
Bring your own towel.
Something wrong with giving them a quick shake and wiping them on your pants or running them through your hair? Why not write about cardboard straws? Now there is a real travesty. Ronald is kind of creepy. I never really noticed before now.
I thought maybe it was me, but then I saw Ronald McDonald creep out an entire high school band. It isn’t me…or you. it is humanity.
The horror. The horror of a live Ronald McDonald.
Ha, ha, ha! He almost shut that show down. There were a lot of freaked out kids.
Did I tell you about that same Ronald dropping a chair on his face at halftime of a basketball game?
He reminds me of the mall Santas and Easter Bunnys that freak out kids. Their mothers keep pushing the little kids forward telling them not to be scared! I think the kids know best!
It is not logical to expect warmth from McDonalds.
I often find myself in public restrooms longing for a camera. Please do not pick on my people.
Bless you, my friend, another caption reader!
When faced with this dilema I usually end up in one of the stalls using toilet paper to dry my hands. Personally, I love those new air dryers that blast the air so fast your knuckles end up at your elbows.
Those dryers are the greatest. it’s like an air squeegee. The first time i ran across one of those I’d had one too many. It fascinated me.
It fascinates me even when I am sober.
I’m pretty sure I remember where/when that was….
You do. There are those who know it as a farm. They make a great
Mojito.
Sorry, unless it’s hand’s free then I’m not pushing that start button to get warm air to dry my hands! I’d rather dry my hands on my pants than touch that start button! Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!
It’s all in the elbow.
Could the disappearance of Mayor McCheese, the Fry Guys, and Hamburgler have something to do with this? First they disappear and then the whole place goes to hell in a handbasket.
You are so right.
One of these days I have to write about Grimace. He lives in a homeless shelter here.
Yet another reason NOT to eat at McDonald’s. This was hilarious Oma.
Thank you. I’d shake your hand, but mine are wet and that makes it awkward.
Hand dryers may save countless trees, but who wants to grab hold of the door handle when the guy in the next stall didn’t wash? Or worse, used the hand dryer without using the sink? (Note to self, always grab some napkins before going to the restroom.)
Auugh, stop it. You’re freaking me out and I’m not even a germophobe.
Interesting fact regarding the hand dryers as shared with me JUST LAST NIGHT by Hot Joe: When people just rinse their hands without actually using any soap and then they use the air dryer, the germs are spread all over. This is a TRUTH as demonstrated on “Myth Busters.” You can add THAT p.s. if you’d like.
I never watch enough mythbusters. That one scares me.
I hate it when that happens…
…and I feel better about you because you do.
🙂
Try Burger King next time. He has minions hidden in the hand dryers who are full of hot air.
Minions always make me think about tiny, tiny onions
I hate those air dryers. I especially hate them when they’re in one-person restrooms, because they increase the waiting time, since each person occupies the room for five minutes while drying their hands.
You’re right. The sound gets your hopes up, but then it goes on and on.
I hate those hand dryers. I always opt for my pants instead.
More effective, efficient and some other e word.
Our McDonald’s must be upscale — we have those dryers that blast you into the next county! And if you leave your hands beneath them long enough, you can see your skin move around. Creepy, I know, but not anywhere near as creepy as Ronald. And why do the doors always PUSH to enter but PULL to leave? Who said that’s sanitary??
It really should be the other way on the doors. I had a project once to manage the construction contract for the building I now work in. My boss wanted bathroom/locker room doors that swung both ways. It took me months to convince him that half our staff would always have at least one broken finger.
I like Ronald!
But yes, those old hand dryers are no good. Plus bacteria grows in them. Disgusting. The new Dyson ones, however, are a treat.
You’re the one! Stop it. He freaks the rest of us out so bad. He must go.
What about Grimace and the Hamburgler?
Actually, I was more partial to the Burger King Kids’ Club gang. There was Wheels, the kid in the wheelchair; Snaps, the girl that liked to ‘snap’ photos, … groundbreaking stuff.
I met grimace at a homeless shelter.
Um… oh?
“hand wash/ hand dry”
“machine wash/ machine dry”
My mother taught me how to do laundry.
… not sure if she meant that hands were hand wash only,
but that’s what I mean.
and dry cleaning is both optional and confusing.