Photos From My iPhone (The Continuation)

Welcome back to the The Omawarisan Gallery Of Photographic Art. I hope you enjoyed your tour of the first floor. We’re going to move on to the second floor because that’s the sensible thing to do.

I warned you at the end of the first floor tour that The Gallery’s more disturbing installations were up here. I’m happy that you chose to come back despite my warning. For those of you taking the tour from your office computer, be assured that all the images in The Gallery are safe for work. Let’s get started, shall we?

Be Open To New Career Possibilities

Our first exhibit is a shot of a promotional photo of one of the Lady Cats, the cheerleaders for the Charlotte Bobcats. The maintenance staff of the Bobcats’ arena like leaving their tools positioned just so in front of this woman’s life-sized image.

How To Find A Good Tutor

Children sometimes need a little extra academic attention to become successful in school. Fortunately, tutors are available to help with school work.

What tells a parent that they are hiring a qualified tutor? The answer lies in this sign which promotes a pre-kindergarten tutoring program:

Good tutors can spell. If we apply that information to this sign, we can conclude that this tutor is…?

Gotta Catch ‘Em All

The gallery takes an odd turn with this exhibit.

Yes, I know that they’ve all been odd. I just had to say something to get started.

Perhaps you know of Pokemon. For the unindoctrinated, Pokemon is a kids card game based on a cartoon, or a cartoon based on a card game. The cartoon and the game are about opponents battling one another using different Pokemon creatures. In the card game, each creature’s effectiveness is denoted by their HP score which is found on the top right of the card.

The first generation of kids who grew up watching Pokemon cartoons are in college now. The Resident Assistant in my son’s dorm was apparently aware of the importance of Pokemon to his age group. When it was time to warn his floor about the dangers of sexually transmitted disease, he went with a Pokemon theme –

Photo by The Omawari-son, cool cat and man about town. I’m not sure which town he is about.

We see that the RA created a facsimile of a Pokemon card, but replaced the part that would have information about the creature with information about gonorrhea. A subtle but significant touch on this idea is that the Pokemon he chose for this particular condition is Charmander, a fire Pokemon. Fire, because well…go ask your mother.

Wait, by saying that I am not implying anything about your mother, I just don’t want to talk about it. Ok, are we good?

Let’s move on, this is awkward.

No, You Can’t Get It From A Toilet Seat, But…

Our next exhibit stems from a trip I made to the hardware store.

The day before the hardware store trip, I was standing on my toilet seat. The reasons don’t matter. This is America, where a man can stand on his toilet seat without fear of reprisal. Some of you might look askance at me for doing what I did. You may make inferences about my lifestyle…but remember “first they came for the guy standing on his crapper, and I did nothing…”.

I’m sorry, I’ll get off my soap box and move on.

As I climbed down off my toilet a few days ago, I broke the hinges off the toilet seat. This caused the seat to no longer be connected to the W.C.. Later, I learned how critical that connection is to a satisfactory toilet experience.

At the hardware store the next day, this is what confronted me in the plumbing section :

This is half of the seats that were available in my particular store. Forty-eight toilet seats, ranging in price from seven to forty-one dollars. What does it say about modern society that we require such a range of choices for this item? I don’t know.

I do know that the seven dollar model works fine, though I have not had the need to stand on it…yet.

The Path To Financial Freedom

I shot the last picture in the exhibition from behind the wheel of the beloved Omawari-car. I was having a great drive on some back roads, with the top down, headed for a baseball game. Then, I saw this…

Wow. You know, if I could just pop out a pile of Susan B. Anthony dollars twice a day I’d be well off in no time. I’d ditch this silly museum gig and buy the perfect beach house. I could get rid of my wallet too!

Sadly, this wraps up our tour of the Omawarisan Gallery. You’ve been a wonderful group. I’ll stay around in the event you have questions and to validate your parking garage passes.

The Gallery staff and I hope you’ll join us for our next exhibition.

Please, exit through the gift shop.


32 Comments on “Photos From My iPhone (The Continuation)”

  1. One should always be satisfied and have choices when it comes to the crapper.

  2. Laura says:

    These are all hilarious, but that last one sounds kind of painful.

  3. Just a little crap metal for sale over here!
    Or, if it was the tutor’s ad it would read…
    “Just little crap metel for sail over hear!”
    Wow, I say, wow to the world and well done! 😀

  4. Katie says:

    Thanks for blurring out the phone number of my tutoring advertisement… We all make mystaiks.

  5. knace says:

    Your son’s RA is brilliant. I can’t help but wonder what other Pokémon maladies are displayed. I’m picturing Charizard as syphilis. Also, we took my son recently on a college tour and there was a sign in the student union that said Free STD Testing Today in the Health Center! (Happily, no spelling errors) I immediately took a cell phone picture and posted it to FB and not even ONE of my friends liked it.
    p.s. Just the other day my son asked me and my husband ( in a tone that suggested once and for all he was going to determine who was the better parent) if we remembered who his favorite Pokémon was. My husband got it wrong, but I knew it! Ha! It was Gengar! I always knew I was the better parent!

    • omawarisan says:

      I’ll see if I can get my son to list them. I think he said there were four.

      I’d have a hard time saying definitively which was my son’s favorite between Pikachu, Charmander and Squirtle. I think there were others that were better in the game.

      • Omawarison says:

        There were four from the first generation of Pokemon ( the first 150 to be released). Charmander was Gonorrhea, Squirtle was Crabs, and Bulbasaur was syphilis. The fourth one was Mewtwo (a “legendary” Pokemon) and it was HIV/AIDS. I guess it fit the legendary thing.

        I don’t have a single favorite pokemon, but a favorite six in no particular order. Six pokemon make a team. They are Charizard, Braviary, Torterra, Feraligatr, Jolteon, and Tyranitar. I won’t get more specific. Believe me though…I can get quite specific.

        • knace says:

          I’d forgotten Bulbasaur. That IS a good choice for syphilis. And Mewtwo for HIV . Wasn’t there an actual Krabby Pokémon?

          I never really had one stand out favorite either but I used to find Jigglypuff amusing. And Snorlax.

  6. I love the Pokemon STD! Cracks me up. No one did that with My Little Ponies when I was in college.

  7. As a bitter I crap metal all the time. Now I can finally make some money doing something. Not only one but 3 $$$ worth.

  8. That adorable little Pokémon almost made me forget I was reading about gonorrhea. Well done.

    I once shopped for toilet seats with my husband. I was standing there for an eternity when he snapped, grabbed the cheapest one and threw it in the cart. I suppose they are all pretty much the same. He feels the same way when I stand there looking at greeting cards. “just pick one and move on already!”

    • pegoleg says:

      I don’t know what your husband was thinking of, Darla! When I look at that picture and all those color choices for seats, I would be there all day, too. You’ve got your White, Off-white, Ecru, Linen, White-with-a-hint-of-blue, Cloud, White-that-sometimes-thinks-it-might-want-to-be-ecru-but-isn’t-sure-if-that’s-its-own-idea-or-just-rebellion-against-its-parents…

    • omawarisan says:

      They really did overcomplicate the seat selection process. And none were positioned so I could stand on them to try them out.

  9. I have really enjoyed the tour of the Omawarisan Gallery. I’m OK with the pictures on my phone now.

  10. Gift shop? I want postcards of all of these!

  11. >>Later, I learned how critical that connection is to a satisfactory toilet experience.<<

    Please say this will be the feature in an upcoming Five Routine Minutes.

  12. Linda Sand says:

    We were once building, at the parent’s cabin, an out-without-a-house out of rough-sawn lumber. Went to buy a seat and the local co-op only had decorative ones. Bought a red one with an owl that winks at you when you lift the lid. Wanted the hunters to see us out there. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

  13. Excellent selection of toilet seats, but what’s with the one on the top left? Did someone steal the lid? Or does the manufacturer simply not grasp the necessity of providing owners with a standing surface to sweep away spiders on the ceiling.

  14. shoutabyss says:

    The LadyCATS are obviously going to sweep.

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