Taylor Swift, The Pope And I Walk In To A DinerPosted: August 5, 2013
Taylor Swift and Pope Francis sat across a table from each other, chatting over the noise of the diner.
“Have you heard from Omawarisan? He picked the place and the time. I expected he’d beat us both here” said the Vicar Of Christ.
Who Am I To Judge? A Starting Point
Taylor rolled her eyes. “Probably writing. I’m so over this writer guy act of his.” The Pope nodded and said, “He seems to think it’s going somewhere. Maybe so. Who am I to judge?”
“You know, Your Holiness, Oma said that he thought it was cool that you said that – the judge thing.” Pope Francis seemed surprised.
“Well, Taylor” he said, “I didn’t know you and he…”.
“Me and Omawarisan aren’t. Never were. Won’t be. Just to be sure, I’ve already broken up with him,” she told Pope Francis. “The only time I’ve communicated with him was after Twitter suggested he follow both of us and he tweeted that he wanted to have lunch first.”
“So you agreed that the three of us should have lunch, but you broke up with him…” The Pope paused as the waitress brought their lunches – an open-faced roast beef sandwich for him and a salad for his table mate.
Taylor finished his thought as the waitress left. “…I broke up with him just in case.”
Pope Francis muttered “whatever” and cut into his lunch.
As he chewed, he pointed at the singer with his fork. “Ya know, my people were against me meeting you and Oma for lunch. They said it was beneath my position to do this to add a Twitter follower.”
Taylor brightened. “My people too! What’d you say?”
“I was winging it. Something about all God’s children, even wanna be writers… yadda. Fries?”
Taylor waved off the fries and was about to speak when some autograph seekers stopped at the table. She and Pope Francis smiled, signed and posed for photos. When that group moved on, Taylor said, “I love all my fans, but would it have killed you to not wear the hat so we wouldn’t get so much attention?”
Pope Francis just shook his head.
“Honey mustard on your cheek, girl.”
“Even in their pictures?”
She wiped away the salad dressing. “I’m Taylor Swift, you’re The Pope. THE Pope. We’re sitting in a diner, waiting for some goofball in a ball cap to come and decide if he’s going to follow us on Twitter? Your Holiness, is something wrong with this picture?” The Pope admitted to wondering accepting the lunch invitation was impulsive. Taylor said something about traveling all day and wanting to relax and have a glass of wine. The Pope tossed his napkin on his plate.
“I’m done. I think I’m going to go have some wine too. Join me?”
“Are you hitting on me?”
“Please. I’m The Pope.”
“Ok. But I’m breaking up with you, just in case.”
“Whatever. Pay the tab, I’ll have the monsignor bring my car.”
“Ughhh, men who take vows of poverty. I’m so done with them.”
Later, the waitress brought a new customer some chili. “A girl with a lot of make up, a guy with a big hat? Yeah, ten minutes before you got here. They left in a white jeep.”