Taylor Swift, The Pope And I Walk In To A Diner

Taylor Swift and Pope Francis sat across a table from each other, chatting over the noise of the diner.

“Have you heard from Omawarisan? He picked the place and the time. I expected he’d beat us both here” said the Vicar Of Christ.

Who Am I To Judge? A Starting Point

Appropriate sound track.

Free parking, off to the right there. (public domain Library of Congress)

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Probably writing. I’m so over this writer guy act of his.” The Pope nodded and said, “He seems to think it’s going somewhere. Maybe so. Who am I to judge?”

“You know, Your Holiness, Oma said that he thought it was cool that you said that – the judge thing.” Pope Francis seemed surprised.

“Well, Taylor” he said, “I didn’t know you and he…”.

“Me and Omawarisan aren’t. Never were. Won’t be. Just to be sure, I’ve already broken up with him,” she told Pope Francis. “The only time I’ve communicated with him was after Twitter suggested he follow both of us and he tweeted that he wanted to have lunch first.”

“So you agreed that the three of us should have lunch, but you broke up with him…” The Pope paused as the waitress brought their lunches – an open-faced roast beef sandwich for him and a salad for his table mate.

Taylor finished his thought as the waitress left. “…I broke up with him just in case.”

Pope Francis muttered “whatever” and cut into his lunch.


English: The fork

Fork. The Pope wields them like scepters. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As he chewed, he pointed at the singer with his fork. “Ya know, my people were against me meeting you and Oma for lunch. They said it was beneath my position to do this to add a Twitter follower.”

Taylor brightened. “My people too! What’d you say?”

“I was winging it. Something about all God’s children, even wanna be writers… yadda. Fries?”

Taylor waved off the fries and was about to speak when some autograph seekers stopped at the table. She and Pope Francis smiled, signed and posed for photos. When that group moved on, Taylor said, “I love all my fans, but would it have killed you to not wear the hat so we wouldn’t get so much attention?”

Pope Francis just shook his head.

“Honey mustard on your cheek, girl.”

“Even in their pictures?”

“Oh yeah.”

Enough With The Tardiness

She wiped away the salad dressing. “I’m Taylor Swift, you’re The Pope. THE Pope. We’re sitting in a diner, waiting for some goofball in a ball cap to come and decide if he’s going to follow us on Twitter? Your Holiness, is something wrong with this picture?” The Pope admitted to wondering accepting the lunch invitation was impulsive. Taylor said something about traveling all day and wanting to relax and have a glass of wine. The Pope tossed his napkin on his plate.

“I’m done. I think I’m going to go have some wine too. Join me?”

“Are you hitting on me?”

“Please. I’m The Pope.”

“Ok. But I’m breaking up with you, just in case.”

“Whatever. Pay the tab, I’ll have the monsignor bring my car.”

“Ughhh, men who take vows of poverty. I’m so done with them.”

Later, the waitress brought a new customer some chili. “A girl with a lot of make up, a guy with a big hat? Yeah, ten minutes before you got here. They left in a white jeep.”


35 Comments on “Taylor Swift, The Pope And I Walk In To A Diner”

  1. List of X says:

    It’s too bad you missed them, but you can still count on Swift writing a song about you ditching her.

  2. When this is made into a screenplay, I hope Fred Thompson plays His Holiness.

    • omawarisan says:

      Because the role requires the gravitas of a man who once ran for president for fifteen minutes. The only person to have a shorter run was Trump, when I ran against him.

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    She’s so not worthy of you. The Jolie has more personality in her little plastic finger than that wench. I bet you a million bucks if Taylor Swift writes a song about you, she will never ever find anything that rhymes with Omawarisan.

  4. Blogdramedy says:

    All I kept seeing while reading this post was Francis, the horse. It must be me.

  5. Katie says:

    Look, I understand being late to meet the Pope if he wasn’t wearing his Popey hat, but to flake on the pope hat?

  6. Todd says:

    Rule of thumb: If you enter a room, and Taylor Swift is there, turn and leave the room. No good can come from being in the same room as Taylor Swift. No anecdote is worth the bad mojo you would be subjected to if you stayed.

  7. Trying following Trailer Swift (@IamTrailerSwift) on Twitter…much more interesting….

  8. Do you follow Justin Bieber?

  9. So…we can’t be twitter buddies unless we have lunch? How sad.

    • omawarisan says:

      No, we can have lunch because we are.

      They have to have the audition lunch because they aren’t yet, and they don’t seem as if they want to be buddies. The Pope 2.8 million followers. He follows 8, and all of those 8 are him in different languages. You can’t tell me that guy doesn’t have a band that he likes, or a food truck he wants to track…or a humor blogger.

      I could be the Papal Humor blogger. I’d come up with a Latin title like Snarkulus De Papum.

  10. pegoleg says:

    Now that you and Taylor are besties, better tell her if she keeps rolling her eyes, they’re gonna stick that way.

    • omawarisan says:

      Peg, I’ve spent decades looking into scary people’s eyes for a living. None of them freaked me out like watching her at the concert of hers I worked. She finished a song and stood absolutely still for at least two minutes in front of a giant tv screen with her head on it. Nothing moved but her eyes. Terrifying.

  11. Linda Sand says:

    Wait! You came here to Mickey’s Diner and you never even called me?!!!

  12. Daile says:

    So you broke up with Taylor Swift before you even met her?! That has to be a new personal best for Taylor, and surely at least 3 songs.

    • omawarisan says:

      Well, actually, unless this post gets to her, she doesn’t know I’m out here, so I could break up with her before she’s even aware that I exist.

      • Daile says:

        I still think you should look out for a song that is a thinly veiled dig at you on her next album

        • omawarisan says:

          Old man, too much on twitter
          I’m not following, don’t be bitter
          All my fans wearing glitter
          You spend too long on the shitter
          Writing about me and Pope
          Not rich like me, got no hope
          All my fans think you’re a dope
          I think of you and I can’t cope…

  13. knace says:

    The fact that you came up with those brilliantly devastating song lyrics in such a short amount of time really humbles me. I think you are very talented- or maybe on speed.

    • omawarisan says:

      No speed, so thank you!

      I think it would be fun to write a song with someone who understands music. I can come up with the words, but unless its an old blues style tune I’m not sure how to structure my lyrics to fit into music.

  14. Hmm… You seem to know all the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s songs, I just knew it was you I saw driving down the road with the top down on the car singing your heart out.

  15. I heard she got back together with him and he broke up with her again. Twice. But she is never ever doing that again.

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