Bad Perfume: Wine Review Style

The second of a series of posts that grew from a horrific encounter with a bad perfume and its woman.

In this edition, I review the perfume I smelled that morning.

Caustic, yet lingering, this perfume is best paired with a woman who doesn’t want to be paired with anyone.

Skillful blending of ingredients has yielded an eau de cologne which announces its presence with authority. The perfume uses that authority to say “get the hell out” to anyone within ten feet of the wearer.

a cat and a Litter box

You might be wondering why I came up with “boiling a pound of hot dogs next to a litter box”. So am I. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A delicate bouquet of acetone yields to hints of grapefruit and over-heated lard. The resulting base scent is so dry it can cause nosebleeds.

A woody essence touches the nose like a Louisville Slugger hits a hanging curve ball. This accent leads to a surprise finish that puts one in mind of the water left over after boiling a pound of hot dogs next to a litter box.

This fragrance is available (without a permit) at your local discount store.

(Hey Patrick, I think I’ve got at least one more on this topic for you.)


32 Comments on “Bad Perfume: Wine Review Style”

  1. So you’re saying you didn’t particular care for the aroma. Is that about right?

  2. Laura says:

    I’m pretty sure my litter box smells better than that perfume.

  3. Betty says:

    Dirty water New York street dogs.

    • omawarisan says:

      I wonder if those guys ever get that smell off them. All day, getting hot dog steam blasted.

      • Betty says:

        Back when I worked in NYC, there was an old timer in our office who loved those things. Every Wednesday he’d eat two for his lunch. We called him methane man because, well…

  4. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Do you crave the aroma of a pushcart hotdog vendor after a 10 hour day? Wear Sabrett!! The only underarm deodorant made exclusively for NYC cabdrivers. Splash some on, it makes you”heady” while giving you the essence and sensation of feeling like a “hotdog”.

  5. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Yet it still sells for 50 bucks a bottle at Macy’s. Don’t spray me, mamm!

  6. Blogdramedy says:

    Based on this post, I’d say you’re describing a Chardon-nay. Or if it’s a red, perhaps a Barolo-no.

  7. Katie says:

    Brilliant! I must have this aromatic elixir!

  8. Actually boiled hot dog water is one of my favorite scents.

  9. Thank goodness I read this post. I was really craving a hot dog a few minutes ago. I’m good now.

  10. pegoleg says:

    In the interest of fairness, I must say I find the most egregious over-scenters are usually men. I’m not comparing vileness of the smell, mind you, just the tendency to shower in the stuff, vs dab it on.

    Can’t get beyond the boiled hot dog/litter box juxtaposition. (walks away scratching head, thankful to have no encountered this woman and her scent.)

  11. stevebetz says:

    Why’s he always calling me Meat?

  12. So….are you trying to say it smelled bad? or good? ’cause I sure do love me a good whiff of boiled hot dog and lard, if it’s done right.

  13. Debbie says:

    It’s hard to justify poor taste. Or, in this case, poor smell. As much as fragrance costs these days, you’d think somebody would get it right!

  14. […] Bad Perfume: Wine Review Style ( […]

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