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Cultivating Candy Corn

Not many people are aware of my extensive work with plants. During my horticultural education, candy corn cultivation became a passion of mine. I’ve pursued that passion for most of my adult life.

We’re all friends here, so I’m going to share a little of my knowledge on the topic to help you turn some heads at the upcoming Halloween parties. Pass on what I tell you here and you will be the talk of any gathering.

Photosynthesis, The Key To Everything

Candy Corn creates sugars through photosynthesis. That in itself is not surprising, nor is the fact that it stores those sugars in its fruit. What is remarkable is this particular plant’s efficiency in creating those sugars.

A simplified diagram of photosynthesis. Redraw...

Image via Wikipedia

My research has proven that a candy corn plant creates vegetable sugars at a rate over eight times what we’d expect from a common corn plant. This accounts for the larger sized kernels as well as the difference in texture and flavor from those of traditional corn plants.

In fact, the photosynthesis of a candy corn plant is so efficient that it will produce sugars without the aid of the sun. Placing a photo of the sun near a candy corn plant in a dark room is enough to start the process. Another researcher I know says he has triggered photosynthesis in these plants by simply saying the word sun near a plant in a dark room. I haven’t been able to replicate his result, but that might be because I’m a little soft-spoken.

What About Candy Corn On The Cob?

People challenge my knowledge with the point that they’ve never seen candy corn on the cob. Let me clear something up for any of you who think that way. You haven’t seen your sinuses. That does not mean they aren’t there.

I have seen candy corn on the cob. It is a rare and beautiful sight. The husks are as colorful as the fruit within. It is shaped very much like standard corn. Because the kernels are so much larger, all the other parts of candy corn are larger.

Candy corn on the cob is not available to the public due to the dangers inherent in shucking it.

Candy Corn On The Cob: Don’t Shuck With It

Shucking candy corn is not for amateurs because the husks are thick and sharp. Candy corn husks can inflict a nasty cut. In the old days, it was easy to spot candy corn farmers by the lacerations on their hands and forearms.

The corn silk between the husk and the candy corn is dangerous. It is so fine that it is prone to breaking into pieces that can easily be inhaled. Breathing candy corn silk fragments is the second leading cause of the lung disease, mesothelioma.

Fortunately, modern shucking machines have taken much of the danger out of candy corn production. Because of these machines, some have foreseen the era of people shucking their own candy corn. I don’t see that as a possibility, the machinery is prohibitively expensive.

Knowing when to harvest and shuck candy corn is very precise business. To understand why the timing of the harvest is so critical we must look at the candy corn kernel.

Candy Corn – Rooted in Goodness

When we look at candy corn we see the three colored layers – yellow, orange and white. But did you know that, before shucking, candy corn lacks the yellow layer? Of course you don’t, that is why I’m here. The yellow tint occurs when the kernel is exposed to light as it is shucked.

The yellow and orange layers are where candy corn stores its goodness. They comprise the sweetest part of the kernel.

English: Candy corn.

English: Candy corn. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The small white end is what horticulturists like me call the cob root. This is obviously where the kernel connects to the cob.

The white portion is the best indicator you have as to your candy corn being harvested at the proper time. Harvesting peak of the candy’s succulence is critical. Kernels with the white part still attached tell you that they were harvested at the peak of sweetness. If you find a kernel that has the white part broken away, take it as proof that the kernel was past perfection when harvested. The breakage occurs when the kernel becomes overladen with sweetness and the root can no longer support it. The kernel is beyond ripe at that point and not at its full flavor potential.

Controversies And Developments In Candy Corn

Science and society are working to make everyone’s candy corn experience better. Like those in any other field, some innovations are greeted warmly. Others raise controversy.

Large candy corn processors have begun grinding up their left over cobs and selling the product back to farmers for use as fertilizer for candy corn plants. Environmentalists praise this development as a green way to increase candy corn yields. Food safety advocates say the practice will lead to tragic consequences as surely as feeding cattle the by-products of their dearly departed leads to mad cow disease.

Without giving too much away, I wanted to let you know about an innovation I am working on at my experimental farm – baby candy corn.

Yes, baby candy corn. Similar to the baby corn you find on salad bars and in Chinese Restaurants, baby candy corn will revolutionize the confection farming industry. Imagine the sweet goodness you’ll enjoy as you bite through the corn and cob, enjoying the deliciousness throughout. You can thank me later.

The Candy Corn Cultivation Call Center

TelephoneExchange

Not yet, but someday…(Image via Wikipedia)

I think the more knowledge you give people, the more curious they become. I know after reading this you will have questions. I’m here for you. I have opened the Candy Corn Cultivation Call Center.  I like to call it the C5. You don’t have to call it that if you don’t want. All the cool kids do though.

Call any time you have a question about growing candy corn. By call, I mean send them to me in the comment section here. I have not yet made my fortune in candy corn so I haven’t been able to put in a dedicated phone line to handle the expected flood of calls, nor have I been able to hire staff.

I feel that I’ve given you a good conversational knowledge of the field of candy corn cultivation. Share it and I am certain you will be the hit of your upcoming Halloween parties.

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30 Comments on “Cultivating Candy Corn”

  1. List of X says:

    A lot of people avoid candy corn, because they think it’s a genetically modified regular corn, and that GMO is always bad. Can you guarantee that your candy corn is all natural and organic?

  2. shoutabyss says:

    I thought they were pumpkin teeth!

  3. Blogdramedy says:

    Based on your expertise in this area, perhaps you can answer this question for me:

    “Is it possible to make creamed candy corn and, if so, is it healthier for you?”

  4. They make excellent vampire teeth.

  5. Katie says:

    I don’t use drugs… But I’ve done my fair share of candy corn in my day. When people tell me they don’t like candy corn, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.

  6. lbwoodgate says:

    It seems to me, and I could be wrong, but perhaps your candy corn has been laced with LSD. If so, I will e-mail you my ship to address. 🙂

  7. I would be interested in your explanation of why people eat candy corn in stages. I for one like to eat the first several dozen whole. Then, I like to eat them individually by first eating the white part, then the orange and finally yellow. Then, I reverse the process. (It’s similar to those maddening Oreo’s) Do you have any insight to this phenomenon?

    • omawarisan says:

      I do. I’m very insightful. Perhaps incite-ful. Here is the deal.

      Just as there is now white corn and yellow corn, there was once orange and yellow candy corn. Botanists grafted the plants, hoping that a layered hybrid would manage people’s rate of consumption just as you described. Before the hybrid plants came out, people would gorge themselves to the point of sickness. The distraction of the layers keeps people from jamming dozens of kernels in their mouths, over and over.

  8. Still no love for the sugar pumpkin?

  9. Betty says:

    Forget candy corn, isn’t it almost time to carve the pineapples?

  10. Thank you for this very informative post, and thank goodness you mentioned it, as I had forgotten it was candy corn season. Time to go shopping…

  11. I can eat exactly one candy corn a year. And then my body beats me over the head with my own pancreas. I’ll save you the candy corn if you’ll keep the MoonPies for me.

  12. Dan Hennessy says:

    I’ve heard rumors of a chocolate-hybrid candy corn being cultivated . Is this true ? I realize it is all very top secret , but maybe just a yes or a no . Also , someone who would know told me Oreos don’t , in fact , grow on trees . Was that post of yours a put-on ? If so , I’ve wasted three packages of Oreos planting cookies in the backyard .

  13. dentaleggs says:

    Candy corn is so great. The Krebs Cycle diagram in your piece is not; brings back bad memories from anatomy & physiology class… but I’ll take more candy corn.

  14. Debbie says:

    I like candy corn, but then again, I happen to like pumpkins, too. You haven’t mentioned what’s traditionally referred to as Indian corn (the ones with chocolate in them). Would that be considered a hybrid?

  15. This was very informative and educational. So what’s the deal the the corn that has the brown ends? And where do those miniature little pumpkins grow?

  16. Is it really bad that I don’t remember ever tasting candy corn?
    By the sounds of it, this may be why I still have all my teeth.

  17. “People challenge my knowledge with the point that they’ve never seen candy corn on the cob.”—When it comes to something as delicious as candy corn, you just don’t question it.

  18. Bryan says:

    I’m using this post as justification to put melted butter on my candy corn. And to consider candy corn a vegetable. Thank you for your contribution to humanity.


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