The Nobel Prize For Unintended Consequences
Posted: October 8, 2013 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: atlas robot, Boston Dynamics, comedy, humor, Nobel Prize, postaweek, video 70 CommentsThe Nobel Committee is announcing this year’s prizes this week.
The award for medicine went to a group who looked in to how cells transfer vital materials to other cells in the body. I haven’t read the research, because doing so before writing about it would be responsible. I’m pretty sure cells use tiny rail cars to move things around.
The award for physics has gone to researchers who’ve done work on “The God Particle”. Perhaps you know what that is; my understanding of physics ended under an apple tree, with Newton asking “who threw that?”
In a related development, I am giving myself the Nobel Prize for grammar and physics sarcasm for my ground breaking work on “The God Participle and Particle Phrase” which is “No one overheard God objecting to a particle being named after him.”
A few years back, I offered a Nobel Prize to anyone who could come up with a way to make crustless brownies. This year, I am not offering the prize. I’ve already decided who gets my Nobel Prize.
A New Category
This year, I’m awarding my Nobel in the category of Cool Things With Unintended Use(s) And/Or Consequence(s). The award goes to the developers of the Atlas Robot.
Here is a video of Atlas in action –
Pretty impressive. The team responsible for creating Atlas is smart enough to foresee it as a tool to protect human lives. What they likely don’t see are the unintended uses and consequences of their work.
Those unintended parts are what led me to award Boston Dynamics my personal Nobel Prize.
Unseen awesomeness
Robots are always cool. But the team from Boston Dynamics doesn’t realize how cool their robot is, nor do they see its significance.
Atlas is significant because it makes the rest of us feel better about how clumsy we sometimes look. A chrome, headless robot with a video screen in its chest is very cool. If a cool robot looks that clumsy walking across a box of rocks, we can all tell ourselves that we didn’t look that bad stumbling over that crack in the sidewalk.
In the video, Atlas takes a hit in the ribs from a ball and does not fall over. By the time Boston Dynamics develops Atlas 2 or 3, the robot will be turning and catching the ball. With that technology in place, we’ll be close to a robot dodge ball league. I’m sure you’ll agree that dodge ball robots are awesome. If not, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Economic Impact
Once Atlas is available for use by the military and by sports entrepreneurs, there will be a huge boost to the economy.
Robot parts don’t make themselves. Skilled tradesmen will be hired and trained to manufacture them. The chrome industry dulled when shiny bumpers and other accessories fell out of favor in automotive design. Atlas’ body is shiny metal, as all the best robots are. Chrome plating and chromium mining will make a comeback as the demand for these robots increases.
Atlas’ economic impact will rebuild industries you wouldn’t expect it would touch.
Consider the ball used in the testing. Those are made in the same factories as bags robbers use to get away with their loot. You know the bags I’m talking about – the white ones with a big dollar sign on the outside. As those bags fell out of favor, a many of the factories that produced them shut down. The communities surrounding those shuttered plants will see a renaissance as the need for balls marked with a big 20 takes off.
A dodge ball playing robot who makes us feel better and stimulates the economy. What’s not to like?
Nice job, Boston Dynamics. Stop by and pick up your prize, mañana.
This is the droid I’m looking for!
Oops, there it is.
Robotic bowling pins should be next that stand up by themselves. BTW Is the robot versatile enough to avoid being hit?
The Panthers may be interested in buying another headless quarterback. He would only play in the fourth quarter at the one yard line, and stumble-walk to the goal post.
I remember them. They used to be a football team.
If they can mass produce one with the face and body of Karl Urban, I’ll give them something special, too. *grin*
So, not so much on the chrome, huh?
Skynet…
Are there a lot of rocks in skynet?
I don’t know. I can’t figure out the time loops.
I want my robot to be named Rosie. Like the one in the Jetsons which looks like it may be of the same ilk as your cartoon, cool. The best part about the robots if we get sports leagues is no more union contracts with overpaid players, which means the whole fam damily can go without it breaking the bank. No more drug addled a-holes giving mouthy interviews either. Just don’t hire ex-TSA workers to build them, we want them to actually be functional.
Rosie was cool because when she opened that little door on herself almost anything could come out.
That sounds dirty.
Maids can be dirty too. 😉
That’s actually pretty disturbing when you think of how often she pulled out an entire roasted chicken (or space chicken I guess?). Was the bird plucked and hanging out in refrigeration before she decided to cook it within herself? Even the Golden Corral has better food storage and safety standards than an all-in-one refrigerator oven robot.
If Atlas 2 will just be turning, and Atlas 4 will be catching the ball, Atlas T-800 will preemptively shoot all researchers who attempt to attack him with the giant rubber ball.
Open the pod bay door Atlas T-800.
I look forward to the day when an Atlas prototype kicks the crap out of the Fox Sports Robot.
YES!!!! I hate that stupid robot. I’ve been waiting for years for them to ditch it. What’s the point.
I recognize this goes against my thought that robots are always cool. There is an exception to every rule.
Where does Johnny 5 fall into this argument? I mean, Steve Guttenberg was in that movie.
I give Johnny 5 a pass because Steve Guttenburg invented moveable type.
Never thought I’d ever say this but Johnny 5, bonus points for the reference.
Welcome!
I can’t wait to get my robot. I can’t wait to take it to the auto shop so that I can say, “Pimp my robot, please.”
Yeah. Replace the video screen with a giant speaker, then shorten the robots legs so it is lower.
Great idea. I plan to steal it. But, since I’m not qualified to give out Nobel Prizes, I’m forced to do something a bit different. To think outside of the box. I’ll be awarding something I call the “No Bell” Prize. The award itself consists of no bell. What I mean to say is that the winner won’t receive a bell. I think that’s a pretty good prize. I mean, who wants a bell?
Good idea. You’re not giving them the bell so they don’t have to carry it around and can focus on more good ideas. That idea is so good, I am not giving you a bell.
This idea does have merit but depends on if we are talking about a normal bell or a kettle bell. With the latter, the idea gains SIGNIFICANT momentum…
Shouts is the source of good ideas and momentum. I still won’t give him a bell, but a kettle drum would be very fitting.
I want one now. Please.
Do you have a 20 pound ball pendulum ready? I support responsible robot ownership.
Funny you should ask…
That thing creeps me the hell out. Like everyone’s worst science fiction nightmare. Seriously in 50 years are we going to have those things running around wreaking havoc and playing dodgeball?
I’m going to be the commissioner of robot dodgeball; I plan to minimize havoc. What could go wrong?
Just remember the 5 “D”s of dodgeball “Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and of course…everyone’s favorite…Dodge!”
Is this your way of tossing your hat into the presidential race for 2016? Jobs, jobs, jobs, and robots. . . .
Nah, that’d be a waste of a good hat. But if I won in a write in campaign I would have Beyonce sing Domo Arrigato Mr. Roboto.
Sing, or lipsync?
The whole point of my comment was to congratulate you on yet another Freshly Pressed. Yay, you!
Thanks!
She has to sing. That should be a challenge since most of her act consists of standing in front of fans.
That robot is almost as clumsy as I am.
I hope no one is hitting you with pendulums. Penduli?
Welcome to
Blurt anyhow!
Thanks. No I’ve never been hit with a pendulum. Usually I walk into walls.
Congrats on FP!
Thank you! It’s always a nice surprise.
This is the very definition of awesomeness. If I had one, though, I’d immediately start adding five pounds to the ball after every hit till I managed to destroy it.
I like the way you think. You’re the first person I’m going to invite over when I get mine. Bring about 25 pounds. If that doesn’t work we will call in the next person
I’ve always wondered…does a bell have a bottom? You guys seem the right people to ask. I admit that a bell has an underside, but it doesn’t seem to me to qualify as a bottom..
It does.
Source-
Clapton, Eric (Cream) Bell Bottom Blues. 1970something
Certainly an authoritative source! Can’t argue with Eric the Great. But is a bell’s bottom always blue? What if’s brass instead of steel?
Couple of things here:
1. Can this group build a robot that can balance the government budget or spend money wisely?
2. Showing a bit of age here, but was anyone else expecting Coke’s “Max Headroom” to pop onto that screen that was outfitted on the robot?
Great piece. Thanks for sharing!
Johnny 5 and max headroom comments? You’re not showing that much age!
That robot is hilarious. I couldn’t help but laugh while watching it, and laughed even harder reading your analysis. Good call. I won’t feel so bad when I fall down now. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Excellent post!
Thank you, and thank you very much for coming back over and over.
It’s my pleasure!
This is askin to the Darwin awards 🙂
OMG, this was great! Thanks for the laugh and the smile that won’t leave my face this morning.
I am supposed to be studying for Uni, instead I am having a good giggle, at your FP blog (thought I’d make that clear, it is 1am where I am, I could be giggling at anything). Nevertheless. You. Funny. Thanks!
Such a shame that the company who makes those bags with the dollar sign on went bankrupt – should’ve diversified instead of putting all their eggs in the bank robbing basket. That’s just the way of things i suppose, same story for ACME explosives…!
Epic Robot Dodgeball. I look forward to it.
It’s good there’s going to be a new age of artisans creating, building, and maintaining robots. Where before there were metal smiths, auto technicians, etc. Plus it keeps the kids out of trouble, since kids have a thing for machines, I think…
Hi Freshly Pressed Visitors. Sorry to be slow on answering comments. Covered a lot of ground today, I will get to all your comments.
Welcome to Blurt.
If the robot was so smart, why didn’t it walk down the centre boards, which were straight and even, instead of across the rocks?
I like your selection for your personal Nobel prize. Your reasons are sound. Thank you for giving me a smile.
hello… haha, love that bag with the dollar sign. and it fell out of favor, huh? and the consequences are consequential, as you say, lol. what do they use in bank heists nowadays? 😉 cool post, thanks…
Doesn’t anyone think that these robots are a kind of creepy ?. if I see videos like this, it reminds me of the movie irobot
haha yes. Hmmm crustless brownies… challenge accepted.
You know what would be a nice addition to the video screen chest? Yes, a pumpkin head.
Thanks for the refreshing post. If you hone in on some of those crustless Brownies, I’d like to know 😉
heh, heh…I need one of those at work. Something to take the slings and arrows for me. Both in the front and especially in the back.
1) for crustless brownies, simply bake brownies. Cut off the crust. Eat the crustless brownies.
2) I would have liked it if that robot, after 2nd strike with the Acme Corporation 20LB Weight, had grabbed the sunsabitch and THROWN IT at the dude.. playing a mp3 file at 180 db “IF YOU CAN DODGE A 20 POUND WEIGHT, YOU CAN DODGE A BALL!”
Awesome post! And good to know humanity’s making cylons now! Can’t wait for the day when the first robot computes: ‘I dodge ball, therefore I am’.
Yeahhhhhh!!!!! My heart jumped when I saw you were FP’d – awesome post and a big congrats Mr Blurt!!
It’s nice to know brilliance doesn’t go unnoticed!!
~Andrea<3
I’m scared out of my mind how this article will seem like ancient news in ten years 😥 Inspirational.