I Am A Candidate For Mayor Of TorontoPosted: November 19, 2013
I’m not a fan of politicians. No matter what end of the spectrum they purport to represent, in the end, they represent the people who paid to get them elected. They represent those who contributed in proportion to the amount paid.
A few years ago I dipped my toe in politics. Some of you may remember that I ran for president against Donald Trump. I announced my candidacy. A few weeks later, the Trump campaign went into a tail spin. A week later, I drove him out of the race. In just over a month, I vanquished one of the richest men in the United States.
Today, I come before you to announce that I am a candidate for the office of Mayor of Toronto, Canada.
We all know that fine city is currently being run by a Mayor who is short on sense, but has plenty of vices. Mayor Rob Ford has admitted that he has smoked crack, but claims he is not addicted to it. Yeah. He’s the one human on the planet who hasn’t become addicted after smoking crack.
There’s also talk of sexual harassment, physical attacks, drunk driving and prostitution. Just in the past few days he’s made some unfortunate sexual references and bowled over an elderly woman. Surprisingly, those last two were not in the same incident.
He’s got to go.
Dispensing With A Technicality
I’m certain that my lack of Canadian citizenship is the first issue that came to mind for many of you. That could be a deal killer. But before we throw me out of the race prematurely, let me argue that my opponent, Mr. Ford, is not much of a Canadian citizen either.
Being a citizen of any nation implies a certain level of pride in that nation. Ford, was born in Canada, but his actions and his refusal to step aside in favor of someone unencumbered by a drug problem indicates to me that he takes no pride in his city or his nation. He would prefer making a laughing-stock of Toronto to doing the right thing by that proud city.
I’ve never been to Toronto. I do know all the words to Oh, Canada. I also remember fondly Joe Carter’s home run that brought the 1993 World Series trophy to Toronto. Perhaps my opponent remembers that too, when he isn’t busy scoring a rock to smoke.
Remembering a baseball game and an anthem aren’t usually qualifiers to run a large city, nor gain citizenship. However, Mr. Ford’s behavior implies that he is not a good citizen and thus not at all a citizen. So I feel as entitled to the office of Mayor of Toronto as he is.
On With The Campaign
It never occurred to me to run for Mayor until it was suggested by a reader. Once it was suggested, I felt morally obligated to throw my hat in the ring. No, it’s OK, don’t worry about the hat. I have others.
So what are my qualifications? Well, to start, I worked in city government for twenty-eight years. I held many supervisory positions and managed budgets. I’m retired now, so all that experience is available to someplace that needs it, like Toronto.
Once, I pretended to be a Canadian. I don’t think it is cool to pretend like you’re from another country. In my defense, I’d had a good bit to drink and someone else started it. Does that sound a little like Mayor Ford? “I was drinking, it wasn’t my fault”? Yeah, it does, but I didn’t smoke crack.
So I’m running for Mayor of Toronto. I’m going to keep running until Mayor Ford gives up his position to a decent human being or I beat him in the 2014 election. I drove Trump out of the US Presidential race, I will strike enough fear into Ford to drive him from office.
If the Mayor doesn’t step down and forces me to defeat him in an election, I will immediately resign the office in favor of an true Canadian.