Mentos Lessons: How To Escape A Perv

In my Mentos Lessons series, I’ve tried to show that the power, spunk and minty freshness one gets from popping a Mentos candy can be used for good or evil. In today’s lesson, The Freshmaker helps good triumph over evil creepiness.

Like an earlier edition, today’s commercial  cinematic event features a woman handling a wardrobe malfunction. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “Broken Shoe”.

Roll The Film Please, Larry

Let’s watch…

Plot Review

The film starts with our heroine, who I’m naming Lois, wrapping up a shopping trip. Lois hugs her friend and starts toward home.

A few steps into her journey, we see that there is a guy sitting in a sidewalk café. He is pretending to read the paper, but he is there perving on women and he has Lois in his sights. Lois doesn’t plan to respond to anything The Perv has to say to her. But then the heel of her shoe breaks right in front of The Perv’s table.

Lois’ shoe malfunction puts her in a situation that could force her to have extended contact with The Perv. We see that at 8 seconds in to the story Lois flashes The Perv a look that says “you’ve got no shot”. This is a wise tactical move. It allows Lois a moment to put space between her and The Perv.

The Perv is barely deterred by the “no shot” look. He returns fire with his “yeah, baby, you’ll be back” look at the ten second mark of the film. Lois limps to a bench to consider her next step while The Perv keeps watching her. Even though he has picked Lois out like a cheetah picks out a gazelle that strays from the herd, he keeps up the charade of pretending he is reading the paper.

Lois thinks while she breaks out The Freshmaker. A Mentos driven plan forms in her head, just in the nick of time. The eighteen second mark brings an added level of danger; The Perv folds his paper and reaches for the flower on his table. He intends to make a move with a flower he didn’t even buy. What a loser.

But Mentos put Lois a step ahead of The Perv. Lois snaps off the broken heel, then does the same with the unbroken one. She instantly goes from being immobilized before a predator to being more nimble than before her shoe broke. The Perv sees defeat coming and responds with a “what the hell?” shrug, but it is too late. Lois is already on the fly. She finishes the encounter by taunting The Perv with the Mentos she used to nullify him as a threat.

Lessons Learned

Creepy, poorly socialized people are everywhere. While some see a trip to the mall as a chance to shop, others see it as a chance to prey upon decent folks. Whether these anti-social types intend to rob or leer isn’t important. What is important is that we keep Mentos handy and stay open to whatever we need to do to escape the situation.

Women must stay especially wary around shopping mall food courts. Lotharios lie in wait there, hidden behind newspapers and mall ficus trees.

The biggest lesson of “Broken Shoe” comes before Mentos and Lois team up. Lois’ shoe blows out literally two seconds after she parts company with her friend. Where is the friend when Lois needs her? Gone. Lois’ plight reminds us to always look after our friends. The bond of friendship and the responsibility to care for our friends does not end two seconds after we hug goodbye.

Need to learn more from Mentos? Find all the lessons here.


22 Comments on “Mentos Lessons: How To Escape A Perv”

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Is that a back-combed version of The Trump?

    Since this appears to be a workday, I wonder how much The Perv bills the firm for these extended “lunches”?

  2. knace says:

    Brilliance! Thank you Oma, and the makers of Mentos, for this very important public safety message. The Perv’s big hair was a dead give away for me, that he was up to no good.

  3. Doug Hart says:

    Oh those wascally pervs and their bothersome penis’s

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Must run out and buy some Mentos, now. Thanks for the PSA.

  5. Steph says:

    Christ, and here I am carrying around pepper spray. Lesson learned.

  6. List of X says:

    Sounds like the best course of action when you are about to be approached by a perv, is to take out a candy.

  7. Becca Joyce says:

    I have now familiarised myself with all of your public information posts concerning mentos and my cheeks ache because I’ve been laughing so hard. Bloody brilliant – well done, Sir. And thank you, Larry, for your able assistance.

  8. lbwoodgate says:

    Better a Mentos than a Valium when life is so taxing, eh?

  9. Mentos does seem to be the thing to not leave home without. You would think I would know this by now. Thank you, Oma, for reminding me,” safety and Mentos first.”

  10. ubecute says:

    Hilarious! Never leaving for the mall again without mentos…

  11. Blogdramedy says:

    This is why you need to invent a Mentos Pez dispenser.

  12. Love it and the commercial is perfect.

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