Why I Don’t Eat PenguinsPosted: April 22, 2014
A long time ago, I wrote about how good I am at parallel parking. I told you then that I don’t like to brag. That’s still true. Bragging is so uncool.
But I’m exceptional at peeling oranges.
Oranges – Good And Good For You
You might not think that being a skilled orange peeler isn’t such a big deal, but it is. Peeling an orange makes it so much tastier. The better I enjoy the taste of the orange, the more likely it is that I will eat it. When I eat an orange I get all the health benefits it has.
An orange contains twelve and a half percent of your body’s daily requirement of fiber. That’s important for a guy my age. Just think of all the money I’m saving on Metamucil because I’ve developed my orange peeling to such a high level.
Did you know that members of Roald Amundsen’s successful expedition to the South Pole ate penguins to ward off scurvy? They did, because Norwegians are notoriously bad orange peelers. My orange peeling gift allows me to get at the tasty Vitamin C inside the fruit and protect myself from scurvy.
But enough about oranges, let’s talk about me.
I’m That Good
My orange peeling technique starts with how I break the skin. I always start near the top of the fruit, near where the stem once attached. I break through the rind to the perfect depth, without splitting the membrane of the fruit beneath. My technique is so effective that I frequently remove much of the pithy core as I take off that top piece of skin.
The way I’m able to slide my thumb between the fruit and the skin is artful. My left thumb separates the rind from the tasty goodness beneath while my right hand turns the fruit. My method often removes the peel in one continuous piece.
My hands stay clean when I peel an orange. Most of the time I’m able to converse with my audience as I peel. As an added bonus, I treat people near me to a refreshing citrus scent released by the grateful rind.
Lesser orange peelers find themselves with sticky hands. Their lack of attention to the craft that I’ve perfected leaves them with juice on their hands. Their brutish techniques rupture the fruit and makes an awful mess. It is hard to know whether to feel more sorry for them or the orange.
I Don’t Like To Brag
I am proud to say that I am scurvy free. I’m scurvy free and I don’t have any idea what a penguin tastes like. Why? Because I’m a gifted orange peeler who has taken the time to perfect my craft.
Not everyone has God-given skills like mine. But I hope that you won’t feel discouraged if you fall into that lower skill set category. You can improve.
Respect the fruit.
Become one with the citrus.
Or learn to enjoy penguin.