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Predicting The Winner Of The World Cup

So, yeah, World Cup. I’ve figured out who the winner is going to be. You can bet the farm on my prediction. If you’re smart, you’ll buy a farm today just so you can bet it.

The Nudge Wink Report

I don’t know much about soccer. There’s a lot of running around; the guy on each team who runs the least gets to use his hands. Everyone in the game is an actor. And when the ball hits someone in the head it is considered a good play and not cause for hysterical laughter.

So, like many Americans, I’ve watched some World Cup matches and pretended to understand the game’s finer nuances. But I learned a lot about the sport while I pretended I already knew about it. I learned that soccer stadiums are filled with lots of men who wear flags as capes and paint their faces to show support for their teams. The only women allowed to attend World Cup games are attractive eighteen to twenty-five year olds. Most importantly, I learned that it is best to watch soccer on a Spanish language television station because the announcers…

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