I Was Supposed To Share My Diet Coke With Ibrahim

Today, I dropped by one of my favorite pizza joints for lunch. Pizza is one of my most important food groups. It serves as the pinnacle of my personal food pyramid. I grabbed a bottle of Diet Coke to go along with my two slices of cheesy goodness.

It was there, in the pizza joint, I realized that I had a Coke problem.

I Have A (Diet) Coke Problem

And so I sat there, enjoying my pizza and contemplating the words on the side of my Diet Coke bottle – “Share a Diet Coke With Ibrahim”. I’ve seen these¬† “Share A Coke” messages a lot on Coke products this summer; the promotion just seems weird. As a result, I’ve tended to reach for Pepsi. Unfortunately, this particular pizza place didn’t offer that option.

So there I sat, with a Diet Coke problem.

20140729-111823-40703499.jpgI’d been commanded to share my beverage with someone named Ibrahim, but I don’t know anyone with that name.

It wasn’t going to be easy to get this task done. I contacted several friends who lived near the restaurant, hoping that knew a thirsty guy named Ibrahim that they could get in touch with. They were sympathetic. I didn’t need sympathy, I needed Ibrahim.

Frustrated, I waited. “Maybe Coke has a larger plan”, I thought, “be patient, a multinational corporation has never let you down before”. I finished my pizza, then second guessed myself. How could I be sure that Ibrahim wouldn’t be as hungry as he was thirsty when he arrived?¬† Why had I been so greedy?

Two and a half hours later, I was still waiting for Ibrahim. My mind wandered; what would it be like when he arrived?

The Plan That Could Have Been

I imagined the front door of the restaurant opening and a parched gentleman staggering in. I’d look at him and say “Ibrahim, is that you?” He’d give me a confused look and I’d say “salaam” and offer him half of a Diet Coke. Powerfully thirsty and grateful for my peaceful gesture, Ibrahim would chug the beverage and thank me profusely. It would be the moment that started the Middle East on the path to permanent peace, even though I don’t have a dog in that fight.

But that never happened. I reached my patience’s limit, drank Ibrahim’s half of my Diet Coke and tossed the bottle in to the recycling bin. If the intent that I was to be the one that put the world on the path to true peace, I apologize to Ibrahim and the rest of you.

How You Can Help Someone With A Coke Problem

Of course, if I hadn’t handled the Ibrahim situation the way I did, I might still be sitting in that restaurant.

That thought made me realize that now, as I write this, people all over are missing important events because they are waiting around for the person named on their Coke bottle. Right now, someone is missing a job interview because Louise never showed up to collect her share of a cola. Someone else is late for work; they’re still looking for Don to give him a little something to drink.

Productivity and social interaction is suffering because of an awkward drink company promotion that I don’t quite understand.

I don’t get it, but I do know how I’m going to react and I want you to do the same. I’m going to look for people drinking Coca-Cola from bottles with my name on it. I’ll walk up and take a big drink from their bottle. When they object, I’ll say “hi, I’m Len*, thanks for the drink. You can go now”. Then I’ll walk away.

Trust me on this. Folks will be grateful when you share their drinks. They’re waiting for you to do it and you’ll free up a lot of time for them when you do.


* Oh my God, I used my name on the blog!


19 Comments on “I Was Supposed To Share My Diet Coke With Ibrahim”

  1. xacrest says:

    Oma, I think you should adopt any name you see on the nearest Coke bottle. As long as the bottle’s owner doesn’t have any nasty infectious diseases.

  2. mikegee64 says:

    This is the most insipid promotion for Coca-Cola since the whole “JINX!!! You owe me a Coke” campaign.

    On the subject of your Diet Coke problem, it seems that the problem is much deeper. From the photo, it appears you have a caffeine free diet Coke problem. After you take the sugar and caffeine out, what use is the remaining product? The “delicious” cola taste? I think not.

    I know you, you don’t do coffee, you don’t do tea… Relax and enjoy the little bit of caffeine you would get from Coke.

    Further, Diet Coke isn’t even Coke. It is Diet New Coke! Coke Zero is the original Coke formula (well, not THE original, but the classic formula) with the sugar replaced with another sweetener.

    What you are drinking is just dirty water!

  3. Blogdramedy says:

    I think I’d get awfully thirsty wandering the world looking for a bottle of Coke that says, “Share a Coke With Blogdramedy.”

    Pizza really is one of the best meals if you like to eat all the major food groups in one sitting. Leaves the rest of the day for junk food and sugary snacks.

    • omawarisan says:

      That’s why the slices of pizza are pyramid shaped – they’ve got all the food groups.

      If I find a bottle that’s got your name I will only drink a little. You’re going to have to cross the border to get your share and you’ll be extra thirsty.

      Oh yeah, because clearing customs is dehydrating work.

  4. Dan Hennessy says:

    You have let the multi-national mega corporation(s) capture your soul . They have co-opted your time already ! You DO have a Coke problem . I hesitate to ask about oil companies or electronics, how they have enslaved you too. Save yourself , man ! IT MAY ALREADY BE TOO LATE ! When you find your name on the Coke cup it will be all over ! Sure, it all starts with a harmless sip , but then it becomes a Big Gulp …………………………and one day you’re wandering lonely streets checking any old Coke cup , wondering when it all went wrong .

  5. knace says:

    Crap, I just saw Ibrahim the other day at Barnes & Noble. And he looked a little thirsty. If only I had known….

  6. This was a target marketing scheme by Coke. They flooded your region of the USA with bottles imploring customers to share with people with names like Ibrahim, Mustafah and Hassan. They presumed that upon failing to locate anyone with those names, you’d be inclined to purchase a second bottle which would hopefully have a more common named person to share with. If you doubt my theory, fly to Turkey and look at the bottles which encourage customers there to share a Coke with Kevin, Susie, or Len.

    • pegoleg says:

      I’m so delighted that Coke is doing their part to foster peace in the world. Maybe those in Turkey aren’t being commanded to share beverages with Benjamin and Isaac?

  7. Betty says:

    A friend of mine posted a link where you could enter your name to see if they make bottles with your name. She commented that they didn’t make it with her name (Noreen). I tried it. No Diane. Are these names really that uncommon now? Wait. Just realized I didn’t try Betty. But I imagine that falls into same category.

  8. Pizza is one of the most important food groups. Like you I would opt for the Diet Pepsi and have my share partner remain nameless. If Pepsi was not available I would take water. Coke has put to much pressure on their beverage drinkers and that just takes the fun out of pizza.

  9. spencercourt says:

    That pizza place needs to come into the new millenium. Get one of those 100+ Coke flavors machines. I like Raspberry Coke Zero!

  10. Oh my lord, I’ve never laughed so hard. This really brightened up my evening – definitely one of the funniest posts I’ve read! Love your blog! Thank you so much!

  11. […] has been doing a promotion where they suggest who I should share my beverage with. I’ve had suggestions to drink my Diet Coke with all sorts of people. This time, my bottle suggested that I share my drink with a Polar […]

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