A Guy Walks In To A BarPosted: September 3, 2014
I’m a guy. In fact, I’m a guy who has been known to walk in to a bar.
A guy walks in to a bar. He is carrying jumper cables. The bartender says “hey man, don’t start anything in here.”
“A guy walks in to a bar” is the start of so many good jokes. The guy walks in and the joke lies in his interaction with the bartender. When the guy in the joke changes into a group of stereotypical characters or even an animal, walking in to a bar is still what makes the magic happen.
Ebola walks into a bar. Bartender says “we don’t serve infections viruses in here”. Ebola says “you’re a lousy host”.
Even when the joke’s premise doesn’t make sense, that magic still happens. Horses rarely walk in to bars; but I laugh every time a bartender sees a horse/customer and asks “why the long face?”
A guy walks in to a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says “can I help you?” The duck replies “yeah, I’ll have a beer and would you get this guy off my ass?”
The effect is instant. The guy walks in, the joke happens and ends. It’s over so fast you’d have a hard time saying it happened in an instant.
A grasshopper walks in to a bar. The bartender says “hey, we have a drink named after you”. The grasshopper looks confused and says “you have a drink named John?”
Unfortunately, when I enter a bar, nothing special happens. I suppose the stuff that should happen, does. The bartender greets me and I end up with a drink. In a few places, they just pour me a Guinness and then greet me by name. It’s kind of nice when they know my name, but that’s not what I’m really after.
A guy walks in to a bar. He’s dragging a chain. Bartender asks “why are you dragging that chain?” Guy tells him “pushing it was way too hard.”
No, being greeted and getting a drink isn’t the point anymore. I want to be in the joke as it happens.
A bear walks in to a bar and says “I’ll have a gin and…………tonic.” Bartender looks confused and asks “what’s with the big pause?” Bear says “I don’t know, I’ve just always had them.”
So why haven’t I taken part in a bar joke scene? According to the formula of these jokes, all kinds of hilarity should break loose when I walk in. I just seem to end up with a beer. I’ll have to make some changes.
A group of mathematicians walk in to a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders a fourth of a beer. The next one orders half a beer. The last orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender pours two beers and says “here, you work it out.”
I’m not going to change the company I keep. There’s probably a great joke that starts with “A priest, a rabbi, and a blogger walk into a bar”. But once the joke gets told I’m stuck hanging around a bar as part of an awkward trio.
A pirate walks in to a bar with a paper towel on his head. Bartender points at the towel and asks “what’s that all about?” The pirate says “I’ve got a Bounty on my head.”
So if I’m not going to change my company, I guess I need a gimmick. I don’t have room to keep a bear, even though that’d be a lot of fun. I need something more manageable.
I’m going out for a beer tonight. I’m bringing my jumper cables in to the bar with me. Hope the bartender knows that joke.