Oscar de la Renta’s Secret

People of a certain age can tell you what they were doing when President Kennedy died. I was two when it happened, so I’m clueless about what I was doing when that sad news broke.

I remember it like it was yesterday, which it was. (image via

But I remember where I was when I learned that fashion designer Oscar de la Renta passed away.

When I think about it, the moment comes back to me, like it was yesterday, which it was. While we were watching Monday Night Football my wife said “hmm, Oscar de la Renta died”. I said something intelligent, like “oh”.

Maybe I should have said more, like maybe “his poor wife”, “did you know that in Spanish his name means Oscar of the rent?” or “we should probably send a card” but there was an incomplete pass and I forgot to say any of those things.

Yeah, I Know Nothing About Who I’m Writing About

The truth is, I don’t know if he had a spouse. I don’t speak Spanish and made up that “of the rent” bit. I know nothing about Mr. de la Renta except that he designed clothes. I assumed he was dead because I’d never seen him.

I don’t assume everyone I haven’t seen or met is dead, but I was pretty certain about Oscar.  I was wrong in thinking he was dead. Now, I am right. Oscar is taking the dirt nap.

But in the short time since his death, I’ve decided that Oscar de la Renta lived with a terrible secret.

Look, It’s Right There In Front Of You


Yup. He was Michael Bolton, that bastard. (image via ABC News)

I realized that I knew his secret the moment I saw my on-line first picture of the (now dead) designer. It was so obvious. Oscar de la Renta lead a double life. He had a secret identity; Oscar was pop singer Michael Bolton.

Now, I’m open to the idea that this may not actually be Mr. de la Renta. The photo to the right was connected to an ABC News online story. I haven’t been able to find another like it. In every other picture I’ve found, the man is bald. The problem is, I have nothing to write about if this isn’t Oscar in all his Bolton-like glory. As a result, I’m going to have to insist that this is who ABC said it is and soldier on.

Assuming that this is Oscar de la Renta with hair, you’ve got to admit that the resemblance is clear. Same face, same hair. And have you ever seen de la Renta and Bolton together? I know I haven’t. To be fair, I work hard to avoid Michael Bolton. If he and Oscar ever did hang out, I probably was looking in another direction.

I feel awful about Mr. de la Renta’s passing. If he had a spouse, I extend my condolences. But since I’m pretty certain, based on a hazy picture, that he was Michael Bolton, I am also saddened. I’m sad because I will never get closure.

I always wanted to know why Mr. Bolton desecrated the Otis Redding hit “Dock Of The Bay”. Now that Michael Bolton is also dead, I’ll never know.



4 Comments on “Oscar de la Renta’s Secret”

  1. Betty says:

    I too thought Oscar was already dead.

  2. Blogdramedy says:

    I haven’t been on any news sites today so I missed this. I’ll always remember him as a man who knew what looked good on a woman. Both in clothes and perfume. I could only ever afford the perfume and that one bottle saw me though the eighties, smelling good.

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