I Am Your Crispy Noodle

A few days ago, I went to have lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

My friends are so unsurprised by that news that they’re wondering why I bothered to write it. For those friends, I will just say that not everyone has had the pleasure of chowing down on Szechuan with me. Also, I’ve got to establish a setting and premise for this tale, so get off my back, OK?

As usual, my bill came with a fortune cookie. The slip in this cookie read –


Being A Crispy Noodle Might Be Good

I place a lot of stock in what fortune cookies have to say. This cookie concerns me because I don’t know how to interpret or react to its assessment of me.

Is a crispy noodle a good thing? Maybe.

Perhaps the cookie is trying to say that I am different from those around me. My presence is pleasing and accents the lives of people who take me in to their circles. Crispy noodles like me are a delightful change of pace from the meatlessness surrounding us. Yup, I add texture and, dare I say, a visual element that people don’t know they’re missing until I’m with them.

That’s it. I add texture and a pleasant umami flavor to a plate full of more of the same.

Stop screwing with me you ambiguous jerk (image by Lorax ccbysa 3.0)

On the other hand, being the crispy noodle may not be all that I think it is.

Think about when you order onion rings. Do you know how sometimes you look and there’s a lone French fry in there? You like fries, I like fries, but no one eats that fry. We comment on it, but that French fry sits alone on the plate as the bus boy carries it back to the kitchen.

Perhaps the cookie means to say that I don’t fit in as seamlessly as I tell myself that I do. Am I that thing that makes you say “oh, what is that?” when you take a bite? Maybe it means I am that thing in the salad of life that makes you struggle with an awful choice – do you keep chewing and choke it down while you look through your salad to make sure there isn’t another or do you excuse yourself and spit it out?

What will I do if the cookie means that I am the thing on people’s plates that makes them say “I don’t know what the hell that is, but I don’t want any more of it.”?

Damn It, Cookie. Say What You Mean

I feel tormented by this fortune cookie and I’m not sure what I did to deserve this. Maybe I’ll go back and hope for a message that clears things up. I could crack the cookie and find a slip that says “read things in the light most favorable to you.”

But there’s a risk in going back. The new fortune could say “you are such a crispy noodle”; that would only double my suffering.

Remember when fortune cookies gave a fortune, not a personality assessment?

Maybe I’ll consider Thai food for lunch today.



22 Comments on “I Am Your Crispy Noodle”

  1. runwaygames says:

    Because of you, I am suggesting the office gets Chinese for lunch!

  2. Amy Reese says:

    Personally, I think crispy is a good thing! I would look for more crispy noodles in my salad.

  3. Ned's Blog says:

    “Soggy noodle” would be much worse.

  4. NotAPunkRocker says:

    We tend to fight over the last of the crispy noodles, so I would see it as a good thing. Until you are eaten, of course.

  5. knace says:

    Hmmm…I even tried tacking “in bed” onto the end of it and that didn’t help. If anything it made it worse. Salad in bed? No thanks. But in my humble opinion the crispy noodle adds interesting texture to any salad.: )
    p.s. My son got one the other day that said “Sometimes there is no fortune” which could be either funny or terrifying.
    p.p.s. I always eat that fry. I guess I feel sorry for it,

  6. Sandy says:

    Crispy not slippery…. My motto

  7. Crispy is always better than soggy. It adds the zest and crunch to a boring salad.

  8. Semprini says:

    That is interesting and takes me back to a similar fortune I received many years ago…

    It was more of a social comment than fortune:

    Society prepares the crime – The criminal commits it.

    I’ve been haunted by this for almost a decade. It seems to be holding those who do bad things harmless for their sins. I don’t know how this phrase make its way past quality control. One would think it would find its way to the trash bin with other poor suggestions like:

    “Your breath is as rancid as a garlic bloom”
    “You’ve only got a short time left – do something fun (Say… in the next hour or so!)” or
    “What’s the deal with your hair?”

    Was it a suggestion that I should dine and dash? Did it think perhaps that I thought wandering a dark alley way with my fists full of dollar bills was a good thing?

    Still confused…

  9. This is exactly why I don’t like fortune cookies. Well…and because they’re not chocolate.

  10. lbwoodgate says:

    I would think that if a noodle was still crispy in a soup then it was undone. Maybe you’re still a work in progress.

  11. Dan Hennessy says:

    Noodle is the key . If you can figure out noodle you will discover the true meaning . Crispy is just an adjective . Don’t worry about crispy . You can work on that later . But noodle —– what’s that all about ?
    You have work to do , my friend .

  12. If your fortune said “You’re the last, soggy snow pea, clinging to the bottom of the carton at the end of a mediocre batch of Happy Family Vegetable Combination #17” it would have been much clearer.

  13. Betty says:

    Oh yes. A crispy noodle is much better than a limp noodle.

  14. Ha. Love it. I was riveted!

  15. […] a year ago, I opened a cookie and read “You are the crispy noodle in the vegetarian salad of life”. I’m smart enough to not read that literally. I am not a noodle. The cookie is establishing, […]

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