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Guy Fieri, Please Stop

I love cooking shows on television. Amongst my favorites is Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. Unfortunately, my love for learning about cool places to eat comes at a cost. I have to put up with Guy Fieri.

Before I make fun of Mr. Fieri, I should be fair. When I first watched the show, I sort of enjoyed the way he portrayed himself. It seemed that he didn’t take himself or what he was doing too seriously. Anyone who makes it clear that they know as well as the rest of us that they are not saving the world is OK by me. But I do have a problem with the man.

Fieri, at a restaurant called Dish, in Charlotte, NC. I’ve been there a lot. No one took pictures, but the food is amazing. Go there. (image via eatatdish.com)

Guy Fieri has done the Guy Fieri act so many times that he is becoming a cartoon of himself. Yes, there are only so many ways to take a bite of food and say that it is really good. But I can’t take another declaration that someone’s grilled cheese is “the bomb” or that the ribs at a particular restaurant are “off the hook”.

Gangsta Is As Gangsta Does

Guy’s quest to find new, hip ways to describe tastes and compliment chefs reached a new low in a recent episode. While watching a chef prepare one of the signature dishes of his restaurant, Fieri called the chef “gangsta”.

Now, I’ll admit that I may not have a complete understanding of what makes one person gangsta and another, not as gangsta. But I did spend a significant part of my life working in neighborhoods where some people self-identified as gangstas and other people understood who those self-identified folks were. I can assure you that no one wore the label of being gangsta because of their liberal use of Serrano peppers or an innovative presentation of a classic comfort food.

As tempting as it is to put this problem upon cartoon Fieri’s shoulders, it isn’t all his fault. The format of the show forces him to be that way. Every dish he eats is one of the best offerings from a unique establishment run by a devoted chef who spent years perfecting that dish. He knows he’ll like everything he tries on the show. There’s not a chance that he’ll ever have a bad bite of food, nor that he’ll ever have an unplanned reaction on the show.

The Part Where This Post Jumps The Shark

Korean bulgogi tacos from Garbo’s Grill in Key West, another DDD place I’ve been. These tacos are a holy thing. (image via tripadvisor)

There’s only one way to save Diners, Drive-ins and Dives before it jumps the shark.

Of course, if the show does jump the shark, it will jump a walnut-crusted shark filet that is off the hook, in a maple-bourbon reduction on a house-made pretzel roll, with a kale slaw that is the bomb! But I digress.

The only way to save Diners, Drive-ins and Dives is to bring spontaneity to the show. While the producers will have continue doing advance work to line up locations to shoot episodes, none of the information they gather should be passed on to Guy. Instead, he should arrive on site, be seated and have plates brought out for him to taste without any knowledge of the food’s preparation.

Also, the production team should occasionally slip a bad restaurant in to the mix. Again, Guy would be completely in the dark about which places would be great and which would be lousy.

Because he wouldn’t know what he’d be eating or couldn’t even count on getting a quality meal, the show’s host would be forced to react spontaneously. No more shows where everything is “the bomb” and “off the hook”. Just a show about a guy who really knows food, eating in restaurants. Some places will be great, a few won’t.

If those changes were implemented, they would save the show and satisfy my desire to see Fieri eat something he didn’t like.

Alright, I will admit that if they make him eat something awful, I’ll be happy. I don’t really care if the show is saved or not.

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15 Comments on “Guy Fieri, Please Stop”

  1. Green Wuf says:

    Honestly, I really want to know how many bowling shirts he owns.

  2. I am fairly certain that if Guy met an actual Gangsta he probably wouldn’t know it… his references seem about 10 years behind too… I look forward to in 10 years when he describes a bagel bite as dope or a taquito as sick…. (by that time he will have eaten everything except what 7-11 heats on rolling wheels.

  3. That’s the universal sign of a gangsta, surely he’d know then

    • omawarisan says:

      Many of the roughest, toughest gangstas have a keen understanding of blending root vegetables into a dish without overwhelming the dishes with their flavor.

  4. I have watched the show exactly twice. About half-way through the second episode, I was bored. I like your idea. Sneak a bad restaurant into the lineup and see if “the bomb” changes to “gut bomb!”

    • omawarisan says:

      I love the topic of the show, and watch with the idea that I’ll go to some of these places but the way he presents makes me crazy. I could see it getting boring, I’m just too frustrated to be bored.

  5. Betty says:

    This post is MONEY

  6. Anonymous says:

    My father could have cooked some dishes Guy would have gagged on! How about poached eggs in broccoli water……and for breakfast two raw eggs scrambled in a cup of cold milk. You must drink the raw eggs in two gulps before you could leave to go to school. I’m just sayin!

  7. Debbie says:

    HaHaHa! Too funny, Oma! You’ve attacked exactly my “beef” with Triple D — too much fawning over these foods. And I think you ought to pass on your suggestion to Food Network — I’d love to see Guy actually spit something awful out (like Robert does on Restaurant Impossible!!)

  8. Pie says:

    I’ve watched a couple of DDDs on Food Network UK. I say ‘watch’, as I only managed ten minutes before I had to switch channels. As much as the various versions of heart attacks on a plate look good (and they really do), I can’t see it to the end because Guy Fieri does my nut!

    Making the show more spontaneous by dropping in a few rank restaurants that Guy doesn’t know about would be inspired. It could also be done for Adam Richman and his various incarnations of Man v Food, but I think he’d even enjoy the bad food. That man seems to be able to eat anything.


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