Let’s Talk About Poop

You know, back in the day, people walked their dogs just as they do now. Also, back in the day, saying “back in the day” wasn’t an idiom. I’m not here to talk about idioms. I’m here to talk about poop.

Not just any poop, your dog’s poop. Yes your dog’s. No, not everyone’s dog’s poop, just your dog’s.

The Part Where I Flash My Chemistry Knowledge


The town provides the bags. The dog provides the poop. You provide the clean up. Simple, for everyone but you. (photo by me)

Back in the day was a long time ago. But a long time ago there was one big difference in what happened when people walked their dogs. Wherever the dog did his business back then, that’s where it remained until nature took its course and it degraded into whatever dog doo turns into after it weathers a while. If I were to guess, I’d say it probably turns into poop oxide. Of course, my guesses are what kept me out of medical school, so poop oxide might be wrong.

I’m not certain about poop oxide, but I am certain about a few other things that should happen when your dog answers the call of nature. I am certain that, unlike back in the day, the societal expectation is that you clean up after your dog. I am equally certain that the most common way of doing this is to use a plastic bag. Millions of dog owners across the country realize this. Even you seem aware that this is the way to handle this matter.

The First Step Makes No Sense Without The Second

Cleaning up after your dog using a plastic bag is only the first part of that process. Of equal importance to the fecal pick up is taking that plastic bag full of dog waste to a proper receptacle for disposal. That is where you are falling down.

I mentioned millions of dog owners who clean up after their pets. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I believe that all of them except you properly dispose of their little baggies of poop. It seems you’re the only one who puts the poop in a bag, seals it in with a knot, and then leaves that little bag of fun on the ground near where your dog did his deed.

Step 3 is tricky. It has two parts which are equally important. Failure to do the second invalidates all your previous good work. (look at me, taking all the pictures for this post)

The first time I noticed one of your gift bags along the greenway trail that we both seem to walk I chalked it up to forgetfulness. It could happen to anyone, right? No one would purposely leave something so foul on a nature path, would they?

Well, it seems that you’ve made me regret my faith in human nature.

I missed two days of my walks on the path. I returned today to find two more neatly knotted bags of dog waste within twenty feet of the original. Three days, three bags of feces. Once is forgetting. Three times is on purpose.

Wrapping a biodegradable material, like your dog’s waste, in plastic and then leaving it outside defeats the reason you handled the dog doo in the first place. The bag prevents the poop from degrading while it draws attention to its unpleasant presence.

So I’m requesting that you change your ways. Clean up after your pet, then clean up after yourself. Dispose of your bag of poop like responsible dog owners do.

Seriously, stop being a shithead.


9 Comments on “Let’s Talk About Poop”

  1. James H says:

    That is the one thing that irks me about dog owners, is they expect osmosis to take care of the poop thinking it is biodegradable. It is a nuisance and something must be done. Maybe everyone should own a cat, that way you know the excrement will get buried

    • omawarisan says:

      See that’s the thing. I think most are with the program. They’re the ones who figured it out. I’m just amazed at this one knucklehead who wraps it in plastic and leaves it. Why? For future generations?

  2. Clem says:

    So the award for getting it half right? Being christened half-wit.

  3. There are a couple of parks I visit where people carefully pick up their dog’s magnum opus and then leave it tied neatly in the little blue bag. Do they think fairies come by after dark and turn those turds into wishes?

  4. Blogdramedy says:

    You’ve got me thinking now, Oma. I’m dog sitting for a month starting next Saturday.

    I was not told about the pooping and the scooping. And putting it into plastic bags. I thought I was just being nice, being a good friend. Now I have to go out and buy a hazmat suit. Maybe I can borrow Tom’s…

  5. Tritrigirl says:

    I see this happen frequently too, and I don’t get it. I once saw the baggie of poop, on the ground, NEXT to the poop bin. (Not really sure what to call it, but poop bin works)

  6. pegoleg says:

    You tell ’em!

    Would you mind putting an addendum that along with picking up their dog’s poop, they notice that the very large planter in front of my office is not, repeat NOT a trash receptacle for their ciggie butts and beer bottles, even though it happens to be conveniently located next to a bar? The fact that it is full of bright, beautiful flowers (purchased, planted and lovingly tended by ME,) should be their clue.

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