Let’s Talk About PoopPosted: June 25, 2015
You know, back in the day, people walked their dogs just as they do now. Also, back in the day, saying “back in the day” wasn’t an idiom. I’m not here to talk about idioms. I’m here to talk about poop.
Not just any poop, your dog’s poop. Yes your dog’s. No, not everyone’s dog’s poop, just your dog’s.
The Part Where I Flash My Chemistry Knowledge
Back in the day was a long time ago. But a long time ago there was one big difference in what happened when people walked their dogs. Wherever the dog did his business back then, that’s where it remained until nature took its course and it degraded into whatever dog doo turns into after it weathers a while. If I were to guess, I’d say it probably turns into poop oxide. Of course, my guesses are what kept me out of medical school, so poop oxide might be wrong.
I’m not certain about poop oxide, but I am certain about a few other things that should happen when your dog answers the call of nature. I am certain that, unlike back in the day, the societal expectation is that you clean up after your dog. I am equally certain that the most common way of doing this is to use a plastic bag. Millions of dog owners across the country realize this. Even you seem aware that this is the way to handle this matter.
The First Step Makes No Sense Without The Second
Cleaning up after your dog using a plastic bag is only the first part of that process. Of equal importance to the fecal pick up is taking that plastic bag full of dog waste to a proper receptacle for disposal. That is where you are falling down.
I mentioned millions of dog owners who clean up after their pets. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I believe that all of them except you properly dispose of their little baggies of poop. It seems you’re the only one who puts the poop in a bag, seals it in with a knot, and then leaves that little bag of fun on the ground near where your dog did his deed.
The first time I noticed one of your gift bags along the greenway trail that we both seem to walk I chalked it up to forgetfulness. It could happen to anyone, right? No one would purposely leave something so foul on a nature path, would they?
Well, it seems that you’ve made me regret my faith in human nature.
I missed two days of my walks on the path. I returned today to find two more neatly knotted bags of dog waste within twenty feet of the original. Three days, three bags of feces. Once is forgetting. Three times is on purpose.
Wrapping a biodegradable material, like your dog’s waste, in plastic and then leaving it outside defeats the reason you handled the dog doo in the first place. The bag prevents the poop from degrading while it draws attention to its unpleasant presence.
So I’m requesting that you change your ways. Clean up after your pet, then clean up after yourself. Dispose of your bag of poop like responsible dog owners do.
Seriously, stop being a shithead.