Temporary GiantPosted: August 26, 2015
A rambling, stream of consciousness post composed on and posted from my phone from the discomfort of a car dealership service waiting room.
I’ve never known what it is like to be tall. The only way I’m going to see six feet is if I stand around with two friends.
But today, I feel tall. I feel like a giant. I don’t like it.
Perhaps I don’t like it because I know that I’m not a real giant. I am faux tall. I’m just sitting at a tiny table, in a tiny chair.
At the place where we have our cars serviced, there is a waiting area. The waiting area is more like a punishment area. You can sit in lovely Naugahyde upholstered chairs and be forced to endure watching Kathie Lee Gifford’s deranged ramblings or sit at a table.
I’m at the table. The choice between the Naugahyde seating and sitting at the table is hard. Here at the table, Kathi Lee is muffled, but that benefit comes at a cost – comfort and humility.
You see, the table is a kindergarten sized one, with four matching chairs. Its presence here would make sense if I’d ever seen a child here or if it had something other than car magazines on it.
So here I sit, on this tiny wooden chair. By my calculations, for me to be this out of proportion with a normal sized chair I would have to be at least nine feet tall.
I’m wedged into a corner. I’ve considered moving to the Naugahyde area whenever someone leaves, but by the time I get up, another customer comes in and sits in those plush, big people sized seats. No one seems to consider that the giant at the table might want to watch Kathi Lee.
I don’t want to watch Kathi Lee, but it hurts that no one considers a giant’s feelings.
So here I sit in my tiny chair, at my kindergarten table, pretending that I’m tall. I’m tall, listening to Marshall Chapman and writing an essay on being faux tall on my phone. I’d really like to get out of here. This tiny chair makes my ass hurt.
I’m sorry, that was rather strongly worded. You don’t understand what it’s like for giants like me. We’ve got our own special problems. Fe, fi, fo, fum, hurry up and fix my car, I want to be five foot nine again.