Try Not To Be An Ass

Several years ago, some scientists called Pluto with some bad news.

“You’ve been great and all, but we’ve decided that you’re not a planet any more”, they said. Pluto was rightfully shocked. There had been rumors that one of the planets was getting demoted. The consensus was that Uranus, the most inappropriate of all the planets, was getting pink-slipped.


Stop by Mianus some time. (image via Phung)

“I’m out here on the edge of the solar system. I define the outer limit. I’m so inoffensive and Uranus just begs to be mispronounced. Why me?”, Pluto asked.

“Look, it’s nothing you’ve done”, he was told, “we’d be happy to recommend you to any other grouping of celestial bodies. It’s just that, well, frankly…everyone knows where Uranus is simply because it sounds dirty. We’re sorry.”

Show Me Yours And I’ll Show You Mine

It’s true. Uranus is unique among the (remaining) planets. No one snickers when you mention Mars or Neptune, but people giggle when you bring up that one planet that starts with a U. Everyone knows where Uranus is, but not many can pinpoint mine.

Well, it turns out, you can find it on a map. There’s not even a need to go out into space to see it. Mianus is in south-west Connecticut; the crazy wealthy part right off Interstate 95 close to New York.


This motor came out of Mianus. (image – pintrest/johnseller)

None of us can live on Uranus. The atmosphere doesn’t really suit us, the restaurants there are not so good and the commute is a killer even without traffic. But if you want, you can move to Mianus.

The Advantages Of Mianus

Imagine at the end of the day, when your friends ask what you’re doing after work, saying…”I’m just going home to Mianus”. Consider what it’d be like inviting friends to “come over and spend the weekend in Mianus”. They’ve even built a school in Mianus.

So Uranus and Mianus are still doing what they do. Do you know who isn’t? Pluto, Texas.

At the beginning of the 20th century, The Post Office sent a letter to Pluto, Texas. “You’ve been great and all, but we’ve decided you’re not a town and we’re closing your Post Office.” The people there were shocked.

They got together and wrote a letter expressing their dismay. Unfortunately, the post office was closed, so they just shared their dismay between themselves. Then they moved away. Pluto is now a ghost town. You can’t even find it on the map.

So what can we learn from this? First, I think it is clear that anything named Pluto is destined to fail. In Greek mythology, Pluto was the god of the underworld. Few realize that he was also known as the overlord of disappointment.

The success of Mianus and Uranus shows that people like big butts and they cannot lie.

And the biggest lesson to be had is a sad one. On several occasions through my life, I’ve had to remind someone close to me not to be an ass. But I’ve been around long enough to notice that, on rare occasions, being an ass pays off for someone. It did for Mi and Ur anus.

But seriously, try not to be an ass. That’s not the way to go, no matter what you may hear come out of Mianus.


7 Comments on “Try Not To Be An Ass”

  1. LRose says:

    The Overlord of Disappointment…. Isn’t he a periphery Marvel Comics character? Or is that Sesame Street?

    • omawarisan says:

      Yes! He hasn’t really caught on or gotten his own movie yet because it isn’t really clear if his disappointment is directed outward or is more of a self-loathing.

  2. When I discovered a very good (female) friend of mine grew up in the little Yorkshire village of ‘Hardon’ it really cemented our friendship! I think we can all learn something from that.

  3. James H says:

    This was a fun adventure

  4. The town I grew up in, in Upstate New York, closed their post office also. Our town (that’s overstating it) then got street addresses (road addresses), and the city (really overstating it) was part of our address. It was as though East Springfield, NY dropped right off the map. It was more convenient, as the mail was delivered to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. That is, when it wasn’t bashed in by a crazy group of teenagers with nothing better to do.

  5. Actually I left out a part, the city part of the address was now that of a neighboring town.

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