Superman VS Batman. Why Are They Fighting??Posted: January 26, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness | Tags: comedy, humor, movie, postaweek, superman vs batman 12 Comments
Ads for the film Superman Vs Batman were prominently featured during the NFL playoff games. But the promotions and the premise of the film have left many with one huge question – Why are Superman and Batman fighting?
I did some investigation, including speaking with both superheroes, to get to the bottom of things. It was sad to learn that this feud has been going on for longer than most of us have realized. And thought they’ve been solving our problems for so long, it looks like the problems between Batman and Superman are too deep rooted for us to help them resolve.
For Superman, It’s All About Power
“Look, the guy is a hero but there’s not a damned thing super about him”, Superman told me as he crystallized the issue between himself and Batman. “He’s got no real powers, just a bunch of gadgets and a mask. The other Superfriends – Aquaman, Wonder Woman and me, we were upfront about who we were. We didn’t hide behind some mask. And we’ve got powers – Aquaman can live under water and Wonder Woman…I mean, come on…you know what I’m talkin’ ’bout, am I right?”
Batman seemed to confirm that was a big part of the rift between them. “Yeah, yeah. Hero, but not a super hero. I’ve heard it from him over and over. It just got old. They say the Super Friends split up “to work on solo projects. Yeah, right, like we were the friggin’ Eagles, man. I’m telling you, it was his elitist attitude that did it.”
I Just Flew In From Poughkeepsie And Boy Are My Arms Tired
Wonder Woman concurred. “Every time we’d get together at The Hall Of Justice for a meeting, Superman would be all, like, “I’m sorry I’m a little late, I just flew in from”…wherever he was. And then he’d go “how’d you get here” knowing damned well that poor Batman drove himself, like he always does. Superman was constantly throwing the flying thing in his face. One meeting, he refused to sit the entire time. He just hovered over his chair and stared at Batman.”
It became apparent that this rift over who is super and who is not is a big factor in the divide between The Caped Crusader and The Man Of Steel. In interviews with heroes and villains alike, I heard stories of loud arguments in The Hall Of Justice and a lack of cooperation in dangerous situations.
There are unconfirmed rumors of desperadoes who evaded capture while things got ugly between Batman and Superman. And members of the Hall Of Justice maintenance staff depict the Super Friends as a dysfunctional group, torn apart by strife between its two most prominent members.
Batman – A Utility Belt Full Of Hand Sanitizer
“Superman is a total slob and Batman is an OCD germophobe”, one custodian told me. “Superman would shower and leave hair products all over the place. Batman would go in next and lose his mind.” Confronted with this information, Superman would only say “the guy is a stinkin’ millionaire; it wouldn’t break him to buy a freakin’ pair of shower shoes, would it?”
And of course, there were the persistent whispers that Wonder Woman was somehow responsible for some of the tension between Batman and Superman. Wonder Woman flatly denies any involvement with either of the men. Batman also denied it, saying that he had a “professional rapport” with Wonder Woman, that she was “all about Aquaman” and the Man Of Steel was always “creeping on her”.
In the end, Batman and Superman’s feud comes down to a lack of acceptance of each other’s differences and a lot of name calling between the two. Over the time I spent with them, I heard derogatory terms like “alien” and “caped clown”. Superman openly referred to Batman as a “rich, frat-boy amateur with too much time on his hands”. Batman told me he felt as if the caped crusader’s changing clothes in a phone booth routine was simply a ruse to cover his exhibitionism. “Come on, do you know anyone except him that truly misses phone booths? Those germy little boxes with their filthy phones…”, he pointed out, right before taking some hand sanitizer from his utility belt and compulsively disinfecting his hands.
So now we understand what was really going on behind the closed doors of The Hall Of Justice and why our heroes are fighting. I’m sure none of us feel as safe as we did before we learned that Batman and Superman not only can’t work together, but that they actually oppose one another.
It remains to be seen if they can pull things together before the world spins out of control.
I’m glad you’re here to answer the important questions. The Justice League was an important part of my Saturday mornings when I was growing up. I appreciate you getting the principles involved to find out what’s going on.
I’ve guess the plot. I think it goes a little something like this:
Batman and Superman find a reason to fight. The battle it out in a series of exciting action sequences that make no sense because Superman would essentially turn Batman into mincemeat. For no reason at all, Wonder Woman shows up. Then a real enemy shows up and Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman team up to defeat the new threat. After that danger has been vanquished, suddenly they realize they had nothing to fight about and they’re all BFFs forever.
Right…and if they are fighting, I mean straight up, you’ve got to put your money on Superman. But couldn’t Batman just load his utility belt with kryptonite and just have what would be a bubble of Superman no fly zone around him?
If kryptonite makes an appearance I’m literally going to tear down the movie screen.
Thank you for this insight into the relationship fiasco of Batman and Superman. I confess that I was really confused when they announced the “VS” thing. I always thought they were on the same side and hadn’t figured it out.
It’s a shame that we had to find out the way we all did. I felt violated.
Thanks for breaking it down for us. I’m wondering when Trump is going to bring up the fact that Superman is an illegal alien.
It’s a matter of time. He will propose a wall over the country, and his poll numbers will rise.
I don’t like that Superman is basically invincible. I never felt any tension in his action scenes because I knew he couldn’t get hurt. I respect Batman more because he wasn’t born with any super power other than being rich.
I agree. Superman can handle about anything he runs across. Batman is admirable because he’s getting by on guile and gadgets.
Bruce Wayne’s wealth proves that money can’t buy love, but it can buy tights and a place on the super friends.
They are fighting because it is a movie and it will sell tickets…none of which i will buy.
Yeah, I’m boycotting it too.
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