Cubs Win! Cubs Win!
Posted: August 1, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: chicago cubs, comedy, dream, humor, postaweek 6 CommentsThere were no stockings hung by the chimney with care. My wife wasn’t wearing a kerchief, nor I a cap. A creature was stirring. Those negative comparisons are as close as this will come to The Night Before Christmas.
I was sleeping well, dreaming as a matter of fact. Dreaming of baseball. I was on the field, in uniform, playing third base. It wasn’t young me doing it; the dream kept me at fifty-four years old.
In my dream, I threw out three batters at first. Each play was more spectacular than the last. My throws were as impressive as my fielding range. Subconsciously, I have a tremendous throwing arm. Read the rest of this entry »
I Won’t Be Competing In The 2016 Summer Olympics
Posted: July 27, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: 2016 summer olympics, comedy, humor, postaweek, Rio, zika 5 CommentsAs the summer has progressed, I have avoided answering the question so many of you have posed. I did this, not to build suspense, but to find the best answer for all concerned.
So now I find myself at a critical decision point. Though my announcement is rather late, I want you to know that it was not made quickly or without much soul searching.
See you in 2018 (image public domain)
Because of my concerns regarding the Zika virus and the increasing likelihood that the venues will not be ready on time, I will not be competing in the upcoming Summer Olympics games in Rio. Read the rest of this entry »
I Know A Disturbing Amount About Pokemon.
Posted: July 18, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: comedy, humor, pokemon, pokemon go, postaweek, What is pokemon, what is pokemon go 7 CommentsA few days ago, my wife and I were in the car, talking about people who were playing the new Pokemon Go game. She made the point that she really doesn’t know much about Pokemon and so she really couldn’t understand why people were getting into car accidents and walking off of cliffs to find them.
Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Squirtle and Charmander. Yes, I knew that off the top of my head. (image via pokemondb.net)
I haven’t quite figured out what makes people who play Pokemon Go disregard their safety, but as I started explaining the story behind Pokemon, she pointed something out that I didn’t realize – I know a disturbing amount about Pokemon. Credit for this knowledge must go to my son, who infused me with the game’s lore when he was six.
Naturally, our conversation made it to Facebook and there was a request that I pass on my knowledge to our friends who have no intention of either playing this new game or finding a six year old to explain Pokemon to them. So, as a service to my friends and anyone who doesn’t get what all the excitement is about, I’m going to pass on all the knowledge I have on the subject. Read the rest of this entry »
Budweiser Renames Itself America. Sure, No Problem
Posted: May 10, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: America, beer, budweiser, comedy, humor, postaweek, Tosh Hall 8 CommentsSo today brings the news that Budweiser beer will re-brand itself for the summer. Until the 2016 Presidential Election (also re-branded as “The Tournament Of The Lesser Of Two Evils”) the marketing folks behind that beer would like you to call Budweiser “America”.
Good idea, right? Nah.
Look we all have our product preferences. Some people enjoy Budweiser, errr, America beer. Others don’t. We can debate the merits of this particular brand as a beverage, but in the end, if you prefer that, it is what you will drink. But is renaming it after a continent and “The United States Of” that continent a good idea? I have my concerns.
Pencil Thin Unibrow
Posted: April 21, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: comedy, humor, life, people who shave off their eyebrows, postaweek, unibrow 6 CommentsToday, while I was running errands I saw a woman. Not just any woman.She lacked eyebrows. I’m pretty certain that there wasn’t a medical reason for her having a naked brow. No, this was self-inflicted.
As we walked toward each other, I crossed to the other side of the street. My car being on that side of the road was there was only part of the reason I crossed. Mostly, it was because she terrified me.
I jumped in my car and buckled up; when I looked up, she was about to cross the street. This was a difficult situation which forced me to look at her again. The fact that she’d shaved off her eyebrows and drew them back on made her, well, a challenging sight to describe. Read the rest of this entry »
Yo No Soy Marinero
Posted: April 16, 2016 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: ear worms, humor, la bamba, life 3 CommentsSince my hearing impairment was diagnosed, I often ask myself two questions:
Was that person talking to me?
What did they say?
I just needed poblanos. (image purejadkid CCbySA3.0)
So, when a woman started talking to me yesterday at the grocery, I started with those familiar queries.
I was grabbing a cart and heard a woman’s voice behind me call out “hello!” It’s kind of rare for me to run into my friends during one of my afternoon food runs, but as I turned, I asked myself the first of my questions. She was looking at me and smiling; the answer seemed to be yes, she was talking to me. And I was pretty certain she’d said hello because when I turned, she followed up with “how’ve you been?”
But I had no idea who she was.
When someone talks to me and I don’t know who they are, I often ask myself two questions:
When did my wife introduce me to this person?
Is she close enough to save me?
I could not figure out the answer to the first question. Did my wife and I meet her at a party? I had no idea and my wife was in her office, too far away to get me out of this predicament with her usual grace. It was time to for me to start faking it. Read the rest of this entry »
So, Anyhow…
Posted: April 5, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized 3 CommentsIt’s been quiet here on Blurt, and I’m sure that it looks like I’ve stopped writing. Nope.
Yeah, it’s gotten a little tougher to get words on paper. I’m certain that’ll pass. Keep watching this space and you’ll see.
But while we’re waiting for that to happen, I had an idea for a new site and started it up. My new blog is called The Seventeenth Syllable Blog. The Seventeenth Syllable is a haiku driven news site.
Haiku news sites are what happens when I write down the things that I think of when I wake up in the middle of the night. Perhaps I should write those things down more often. Or maybe not.
See you at The Seventeenth Syllable…and here.
Try Not To Be An Ass
Posted: December 18, 2015 Filed under: Foolishness, Uncategorized | Tags: Butt jokes, comedy, humor, life, Mianus Connecticut, postaweek 7 CommentsSeveral years ago, some scientists called Pluto with some bad news.
“You’ve been great and all, but we’ve decided that you’re not a planet any more”, they said. Pluto was rightfully shocked. There had been rumors that one of the planets was getting demoted. The consensus was that Uranus, the most inappropriate of all the planets, was getting pink-slipped.
Stop by Mianus some time. (image via signspotting.com/Chris Phung)
“I’m out here on the edge of the solar system. I define the outer limit. I’m so inoffensive and Uranus just begs to be mispronounced. Why me?”, Pluto asked.
“Look, it’s nothing you’ve done”, he was told, “we’d be happy to recommend you to any other grouping of celestial bodies. It’s just that, well, frankly…everyone knows where Uranus is simply because it sounds dirty. We’re sorry.”
Show Me Yours And I’ll Show You Mine
It’s true. Uranus is unique among the (remaining) planets. No one snickers when you mention Mars or Neptune, but people giggle when you bring up that one planet that starts with a U. Everyone knows where Uranus is, but not many can pinpoint mine. Read the rest of this entry »
Blurt 
People that have blurted back