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Cultivating Candy Corn

Not many people are aware of my extensive work with plants. During my horticultural education, candy corn cultivation became a passion of mine. I’ve pursued that passion for most of my adult life.

We’re all friends here, so I’m going to share a little of my knowledge on the topic to help you turn some heads at the upcoming Halloween parties. Pass on what I tell you here and you will be the talk of any gathering.

Photosynthesis, The Key To Everything

Candy Corn creates sugars through photosynthesis. That in itself is not surprising, nor is the fact that it stores those sugars in its fruit. What is remarkable is this particular plant’s efficiency in creating those sugars.

A simplified diagram of photosynthesis. Redraw...

Image via Wikipedia

My research has proven that a candy corn plant creates vegetable sugars at a rate over eight times what we’d expect from a common corn plant. This accounts for the larger sized kernels as well as the difference in texture and flavor from those of traditional corn plants. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sunday Film Series: How To Make A Pineapple Jack O’Lantern

Jack-O-Lanterns

All of these pumpkins are jerks. Top row center is beyond a jerk.(Photo credit: Joe Shlabotnik)

Pumpkin. I don’t like it. If you’ve been around the blog a while, you know that.

I don’t like how it seems to have imposed itself into our diet. It doesn’t belong in beer. It has no place in soup.

Last year, I called upon all earthlings to turn away from pumpkin as the traditional Jack O’Lantern. I took no issue when pumpkin was just about Halloween decor. The problem started  when pumpkin forced itself upon our dinner plates.

Read the rest of this entry »


Happy National Anti-Pumpkin Day

I believe that my position on Pumpkin is well established. I know that it is easy for an individual who takes a strong position to be mocked as an outlier. It takes more than an individual to create a movement. Today, on National Pumpkin Day, I am announcing that my Anti-Pumpkin position is now a movement.

People have flocked toward the cause. I define a flock as three. Don’t judge me.

Read the rest of this entry »


Pineapple Puts Pumpkin In Its Place

Pumpkin,

I asked you nicely to stay out of food. You didn’t follow through on that.

A ripe pineapple (Ananas comosus)

Pumpkin, remember that James Taylor song - Ananas? It isn't about you. (Image via Wikipedia)

So then I told you that I would see to it that you would never again find work as a jack-o-lantern at my house. I followed through on that.

Pineapple has taken your job.

It Didn’t Have To Come To This

Pumpkin, we were once friends. We all make choices. You made yours. As I said, we were once friends.

We were once friends. Do you remember that scuba diving trip at the end of October, about ten years ago? Think back, do you remember who the underwater pumpkin carving champion was? Yup, we were friends.

Read the rest of this entry »


Damn You, Pumpkin!

Pumpkin,

 

I am a patient man. There are schools of thought that differ from mine. I can accept that. I can find common ground with those who differ, when I see a glimmer of concern from across the breach. I don’t see that from you.

 

Pumpkins at the farm

A bunch of jerks (Image via Wikipedia)

 

You have found the end of my patience. I reached out to you with a piece that urged you to pursue the things you were best suited to succeed in. You turned your back when I came to you. Now, it is on between us.

 

I am a relentless man. I have matched wits in life or death situations with people whose capacities far exceeded yours. People whose head contained more than seed and gook. I didn’t fail in those situations, I wont fail here.

 

I am now boycotting you, even as seasonal decor.

 

Why?

 

When I wrote you before, I spoke respectfully of your talents as fall seasonal decor and ammunition for catapults. I urged you then to get and stay out of food and beverages. My request, and the case to support it, were quite reasonable. Read the rest of this entry »


Hey, Pumpkin.

Pumpkins, photographed in Canada.

Hey Pumpkin, know your role (Image via Wikipedia)

Hey, Pumpkin. It is the time of year when you become a trendy food ingredient.

Pie. Soup. Casserole. Beer. Bread. The list of foods that you add nothing to goes on and on.

I oppose your presence in all these foods.

Stop It. You Are Not Food. You Are A Decoration.

The orange food group is quite limited. Carrots, sweet potatoes, oranges. Beyond that, there isn’t much interest. Some people would add Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to that list. To those people, I say slow down and unwrap.   Read the rest of this entry »


Cultivating Candy Corn: Your Questions Answered

Not many people are aware of my extensive work with plants. During my horticultural education, candy corn cultivation became a passion of mine. I’ve pursued that passion for most of my adult life.

We’re all friends here, so I’m going to share a little of my knowledge on the topic to help you turn some heads at the upcoming Halloween parties. Pass on what I tell you here and you will be the talk of any gathering.

Photosynthesis, The Key To Everything

Candy Corn creates sugars through photosynthesis. That in itself is not surprising, nor is the fact that it stores those sugars in its fruit. What is remarkable is this particular plant’s efficiency in creating those sugars.

A simplified diagram of photosynthesis. Redraw...

Image via Wikipedia

My research has proven that a candy corn plant creates vegetable sugars at a rate over eight times what we’d expect from a common corn plant. This accounts for the larger sized kernels as well as the difference in texture and flavor from those of traditional corn plants. Read the rest of this entry »