Why Are Field Hockey Sticks So Short?

My wife and I were in a restaurant bar enjoying some Italian food when Olympic field hockey came on the television.

I love sports, but I have to admit that I’ve never watched field hockey. To be fair to myself, I’ll also add that I don’t often have the opportunity to watch field hockey in person or on television. Because I was engrossed in talking with my wife and eating a plate of gnocchi, I didn’t really see this as the first time that I would take in a game.

Ten, Eleven. Whatever It Takes.

That plan went awry. Some drunk across the bar kept saying “Huh. Women’s field hockey. So there’s nine and the goalie. Ten players? There are ten players on a side.” At first, I took it as a rhetorical question. After the eighth time he asked, it became clear that he was looking for an answer. I looked at the television to do a head count. Unfortunately, the players were all in motion so I just said “yup, ten”, because that’s nicer than saying “dude, stop asking me”. It turns out there are eleven players. I don’t feel guilty about misinforming that guy. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Peyton On Sunday Morning

The approach of fall and the football season is cause for great joy in my house. There is a game on our television from Thursday night until the end of Monday Night Football.

There’s so much potential at the beginning of the season; so many unanswered questions. Will my Carolina Panthers make the Super Bowl and crap the bed again? Can Robert Griffin III bring my wife’s Cleveland Browns to the promised land? How badly will the Buckeyes beat the Terps?

Peyton. Retired, But Not Gone.

But everything about the return of football isn’t wonderful. Before the first preseason game, we are already seeing commercials featuring Peyton Manning. Yes, Peyton, the guy who beat the Panthers in the Super Bowl and turned their best player into a pouting child. I respect what the man can do on the football field, but after his last game, I think I’ve seen just about enough of Manning. Still, I’m not going to run away crying about it, that’s Cam Newton’s job. Read the rest of this entry »

Cubs Win! Cubs Win!

There were no stockings hung by the chimney with care. My wife wasn’t wearing a kerchief, nor I a cap. A creature was stirring. Those negative comparisons are as close as this will come to The Night Before Christmas.

I was sleeping well, dreaming as a matter of fact. Dreaming of baseball. I was on the field, in uniform, playing third base. It wasn’t young me doing it; the dream kept me at fifty-four years old.

In my dream, I threw out three batters at first. Each play was more spectacular than the last. My throws were as impressive as my fielding range. Subconsciously, I have a tremendous throwing arm.  Read the rest of this entry »

I Won’t Be Competing In The 2016 Summer Olympics

As the summer has progressed, I have avoided answering the question so many of you have posed. I did this, not to build suspense, but to find the best answer for all concerned.

So now I find myself at a critical decision point. Though my announcement is rather late, I want you to know that it was not made quickly or without much soul searching.


See you in 2018 (image public domain)

Because of my concerns regarding the Zika virus and the increasing likelihood that the venues will not be ready on time, I will not be competing in the upcoming Summer Olympics games in Rio. Read the rest of this entry »

I Know A Disturbing Amount About Pokemon.

A few days ago, my wife and I were in the car, talking about people who were playing the new Pokemon Go game. She made the point that she really doesn’t know much about Pokemon and so she really couldn’t understand why people were getting into car accidents and walking off of cliffs to find them.


Bulbasaur, Pikachu, Squirtle and Charmander. Yes, I knew that off the top of my head. (image via pokemondb.net)

I haven’t quite figured out what makes people who play Pokemon Go disregard their safety, but as I started explaining the story behind Pokemon, she pointed something out that I didn’t realize – I know a disturbing amount about Pokemon. Credit for this knowledge must go to my son, who infused me with the game’s lore when he was six.

Naturally, our conversation made it to Facebook and there was a request that I pass on my knowledge to our friends who have no intention of either playing this new game or finding a six year old to explain Pokemon to them. So, as a service to my friends and anyone who doesn’t get what all the excitement is about, I’m going to pass on all the knowledge I have on the subject. Read the rest of this entry »

Budweiser Renames Itself America. Sure, No Problem

So today brings the news that Budweiser beer will re-brand itself for the summer. Until the 2016 Presidential Election (also re-branded as “The Tournament Of The Lesser Of Two Evils”) the marketing folks behind that beer would like you to call Budweiser “America”.

Good idea, right? Nah.

Look we all have our product preferences. Some people enjoy Budweiser, errr, America beer. Others don’t. We can debate the merits of this particular brand as a beverage, but in the end, if you prefer that, it is what you will drink. But is renaming it after a continent and “The United States Of” that continent a good idea? I have my concerns.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sarcasm Is Lost On A Cat

We all do things we come to regret. And in those moments of regret come moments of self-reflection.

Questions like “why did I do that?” help us learn and grow. I’m not here to enlighten you with something I learned in one of those moments. I just needed a way to get in to my topic.

In the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty. I staggered into the kitchen for some water.


Boog, seemingly unfazed by the incident.

It was three a.m., so the details of what happened next are a bit hazy, as if they were part of a dream. I’m certain it wasn’t a dream because there was a bottle of water on my nightstand this morning.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pencil Thin Unibrow

Today, while I was running errands I saw a woman. Not just any woman.She lacked eyebrows. I’m pretty certain that there wasn’t a medical reason for her having a naked brow. No, this was self-inflicted.

As we walked toward each other, I crossed to the other side of the street. My car being on that side of the road was there was only part of the reason I crossed. Mostly, it was because she terrified me.

I jumped in my car and buckled up; when I looked up, she was about to cross the street. This was a difficult situation which forced me to look at her again. The fact that she’d shaved off her eyebrows and drew them back on made her, well, a challenging sight to describe. Read the rest of this entry »