The Ironic Demise Of The Fortune Cookie

It seems to me that starting this discussion by establishing my credentials is important.

I eat a lot of Chinese food. I eat less of it than I would if I worked in a Chinese restaurant, but probably eat more of it than you  do. I consume enough of it that I consider Chinese food part of my personal food pyramid and have declared myself my parents’ only Asian son. Once, a friend and I were discussing where to go for lunch. I suggested Chinese. The response was “nah, I had some the other day”. “The other day?”, I responded, “if you were Chinese you’d eat it every day”. That person is no longer in my life. I don’t need that kind of negativity.

And as a fan of what passes for Chinese food here in the US, it pains me to inform you that the fortune cookie is done. It has jumped the shark.

Perfection. Yeah.

When I was a kid, I looked forward to my fortune cookie after my sweet and sour pork. I’d crack it open to learn a little of what was to come for me. And the cookie would clue me in. It was never very specific, but reading something vaguely positive like “your hard work is paying off” gave me a little extra hope that my fortune and future were looking good.

It doesn’t seem likely. (image by the author)

Two years ago, my fortune read “You shall soon achieve perfection”. And after two years, I can assure you that fortune cookies do not have a grasp on what “soon” means. I thought that perfection was a little ambitious, but it was still one cookie’s vision of my future. That cookie was still in the business of dealing with my fortunes.

But it seems that recently, fortune cookies are not about proclaiming my future. I now tend to get “fortunes” that are more like discussions of the sort of person that I am. Read the rest of this entry »

Irony, With Mustard and Kraut

I wrote about this event over a year ago, but today I ran across it again and thought it needed to be documented further. Today was the second annual Hot Dog Sale to benefit the American Heart Association.

The cured meats have always been friends of the heart, haven’t they?

The Hot Dog Sale For Heart Disease

Yes, Hot Dogs for Heart Disease. Someone thought that was a good idea. Twice. Someone failed to see the irony in this. Twice. Read the rest of this entry »

On a trip to the hardware store.

Not my hardware store. But no doubt, these are tool guys and they are good souls. Tool guys universally are.

On Friday, I had some projects to take care of at home that necessitated me taking a trip to the hardware store. Now I’ve said in an earlier post that I am not a tool guy. In its own way, that is part of what makes going to the hardware store interesting for me.

Most of the people who work at the hardware store are tool guys. I enjoy talking to them as if I understand what they’re telling me. The truth is, most of the time they might as well be speaking Latin.

I bought some wood. That really didn’t require a lot of discussion. I also rented a big, gas-powered lawn aerator. I waited my turn in the rental section while the tool guy explained to a tool guy customer the finer points of using and maintaining some monstrosity he was renting. I stood there and nodded knowingly as they discussed setting the compression and placing the flanges, or something like that. I like to think of that as practicing and warming up for the coming discussion. Read the rest of this entry »