I believe that my position on Pumpkin is well established. I know that it is easy for an individual who takes a strong position to be mocked as an outlier. It takes more than an individual to create a movement. Today, on National Pumpkin Day, I am announcing that my Anti-Pumpkin position is now a movement.
People have flocked toward the cause. I define a flock as three. Don’t judge me.
I asked you nicely to stay out of food. You didn’t follow through on that.
So then I told you that I would see to it that you would never again find work as a jack-o-lantern at my house. I followed through on that.
Pineapple has taken your job.
It Didn’t Have To Come To This
Pumpkin, we were once friends. We all make choices. You made yours. As I said, we were once friends.
We were once friends. Do you remember that scuba diving trip at the end of October, about ten years ago? Think back, do you remember who the underwater pumpkin carving champion was? Yup, we were friends.