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Art Criticism: Brick Oven Pizza

One of the wonderful things about art is how it touches you when you least expect it. Today’s art critique is an example of that.

Last night, I stopped for a bite at a favorite restaurant. You might expect me to say that I found this painting in the restaurant. If you do, you’re wrong. This painting touched me when you didn’t expect it to. One of the unexpected ways that art can touch a person is from the window of a clothing consignment shop when all that person really wants is some gnocchi. Read the rest of this entry »

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Art Criticism: Baker On A Unicycle

The other day I woke up hungry. I wasn’t thinking about the blog, or my extensive work as a critic of visual art. I was focused on fixing the hunger problem

As I sat down in a Panera Bread shop with a plate of not-hungry-anymore, I started considering that I’ve struggled in my search for topics recently. I stared off into space and then it hit me that the answer to my problem was right in front of me. I’ve found three other works of art that needed criticism while I was in restaurants – here was the fourth!

Good readers, allow me to introduce today’s work of art. Read the rest of this entry »


Why The Long Face? An Art Critique

I’ve known people who’ve said “I don’t feel like Chinese food today”. None of the people I’ve heard say that were Chinese. I’ll never say that either.

For some reason, after several thousand Chinese lunches, it occurred to me that Chinese restaurants are repositories of art. Most have some sculpture; almost all have at least one painting.

Today’s edition of my art criticism series takes on the painting that woke me up to the treasure troves of art that I’ve been missing.

Behold Read the rest of this entry »


Five Routine Minutes: Dropping The F-Bomb

Last Saturday, the people I worked with at the police department held a party to celebrate my retirement.

It actually wasn’t that kind of party. No pitchforks and torches. There were a lot of laughs and a lot of stories told.

There was even a bubble wrap suit made for me to commemorate my resistance to everyone’s efforts to protect me over my last few months. Read the rest of this entry »


Art Criticism: An Articulate Lion

We all know the lion as “The King Of The Jungle”. The lions might have trademarked that phrase because none of the other animals seem to challenge the issue. Trademark or not, we accept it because we’ve heard it again and again. I’ve always thought it was a pretentious title.

Besides, the jungle holds more than one lion, but there can be only one king. The fact that there are so many “kings” probably contributes to the jungle being a poorly organized place.

And all lions get the “King Of The Jungle” title. It doesn’t matter if it applies to them or not. A lion who lives in a zoo is likely the king of his enclosure, but it would be hard for that cat to argue he has any influence over jungle affairs. It hardly seems fair that a kept lion bears the same title as a working lion.

Today’s art critique has nothing to do with jungle monarchy. It delves into the realm of animal art because it is a painting of a lion. Read the rest of this entry »


Art Criticism: Our Earliest Mammalian Ancestor

Big news last week – scientists have developed a concept of what the earliest mammal looked like.

Finding out what the earliest mammal looked like is critical. That animal had a lot of responsibility. It is the ancestor to elephants, cats, dogs, monkeys, monkeys who ride dogs, even humans.

Imagine what we could learn from an animal that could handle that responsibility. I am the ancestor to one person and the pressure…my God, the pressure! If I multiply that pressure by billions of species and billions of individuals of each of those species, I get an animal that must have been superb. The scientists didn’t come up with superb.

Read the rest of this entry »


Batman’s Guitar – An Art Critique

Do you know Eric Carroll? You should.

He is a blogger. He advocates for those with food allergies. Like me, it flies all over him to hear anyone called a retard. Unlike me, he plays guitar in the band Ernie and The Berts (check out their video for their song Toybox). He builds guitars. He might have participated in my surgery back in December, but I’m not certain of that because I was sleeping.

He does it all. Eric is the renaissance man, without the poofy pants and weird collar.

This post has nothing to do with him, though I know it is hard to know that so far. This post has everything to do with the cool painting he provided me to critique. Neither of us have been able to determine who the artist is. We know it isn’t him and it isn’t me.

Let’s give this work of art a look, shall we? Read the rest of this entry »