Do As I Say, Not As I Do

I like dogs.

That’s not really controversial. But in today’s world, if you’re going to say something about an individual who is a member of a group, you must establish that you’re not speaking of the group, lest you offend. Dogs are wonderful. They are our friends, protectors, co-workers and companions. They ask for nothing in return but friendship and some of whatever you’re eating. No, really, whatever you’re eating is fine, just ask them.

Come on, how do you not love this dog? Is a parrot going to do this? No. (public domain)

So yeah, I like dogs. And I like how revel in having their heads out of the window when they ride in a car. I’ve considered trying that, if only to understand the attraction. Unfortunately, I’m certain that I’d get distracted and hit my head on a stop sign. Nothing good would come from that.

Now That The Disclaimer Is Done

The other day, I was running around town, enjoying the fall weather with the top down on my car. Someone ahead stopped to make a turn and I found myself in a small pack of traffic. In the back seat of the car ahead of me was a dog.

As we accelerated, the dog’s head popped through the open window. His ears flopped in the wind. He barked at cars in the oncoming lane. He didn’t miss any; each car got its own bark. Read the rest of this entry »


I Am Ordained

I am proud to announce that, through the miracle of the internet, I have become an ordained minister.

This move might surprise some who know me well. Given that I’ve not been an organized religion sort of guy, I can understand why. Let me explain my decision to become a man of the cloth, in the way a man of the cloth like me would explain:

Lo, it has been said that the Lord works in mysterious ways. There’s no way that anything is more mysterious than my decision to become a minister, yet a minister I am. Read the rest of this entry »


I May Or May Not Be An Infidel, But You Are A Tattletale

Tattletale

No more tattling, I called it! (Image by Beige Alert via Flickr)

One of the things that I have learned from watching my folks is that parents are always proud parents. That pride doesn’t go away with the diapers, or when their child heads off to make their way in the world. No matter what you and I do, our parents see their little boys and girls doing it.

If my parents are in a position to introduce themselves to someone I might work with, they always do. I get a kick out of hearing “I talked to your Mom yesterday” or “I saw your Dad”. Most all the people who’ve had “my son Oma” encounters have been kind enough to tell my parents the good stories they have about me.

This is the tale of someone who didn’t so much tell one of my parents a story about me. She was actually closer to just telling on me.

Read the rest of this entry »


Five Routine Minutes: That Road Heads North Too

On Monday night I got to watch the football team from my beloved University of Maryland open the season with a win. As I watched the game, the prominence of the Maryland state flag on the team’s (hideous) new uniforms reminded me of an incident several years ago. It happened far from my home state, far from campus…in my office in North Carolina.

The organization I work for has always had chaplains on staff. My section was assigned a new chaplain. I was working at my desk and heard him come in and start introducing himself to everyone as he passed them. I got up from my desk as he got to me. Things were pretty standard at first.

I don't know why his wife had to be there. I wasn't going to question him about it if she didn't show.

I shook hands with them both and we did the small talk thing. Then Reverend Bob said something completely off the wall. Read the rest of this entry »


Mosquito Bites And Other Decisions I Make On My Own

None - This image is in the public domain and ...

A mosquito that didn't find me (Image via Wikipedia)

It is mosquito season here in the US.  I know that because it seems that I’m particularly delicious to these little blood suckers. If you and I were sitting side by side, any mosquitoes in the area would charge to me to begin the feast.

Since I am a mosquito magnet, I’ve always needed relief from the itch their bites leave behind. For me there is but one cure. Therein lies our discussion for today.

In This World, There Are Two Kinds Of People

Sure, you could probably say there are two kinds of people on all sorts of things. There are people who eat mushrooms and people who do not. People who are noisy and people who are quiet. People who are patient and those who fly off the handle. I don’t want to talk about those folks. Read the rest of this entry »


Buddha And Jesus Go Missing

Friends, it is my regretful task to bring you disturbing news. You are going to want to sit down for this.

Buddha and Jesus are missing. I made the alarming discovery this morning.

Things Might Have Started To Go Wrong Yesterday

milk-carton-timeout

Buddha and Jesus are missing. Call a milk man! (Image by hatsoff2larry via Flickr)

At work, I drive a vehicle provided by my employer. While others in the organization drive their cars while they are at work, then pass them on to someone else, my car is assigned to just me. Why? Because I am special. Seriously, ask my Mom, I am.

Because I am special and have my own work car, I keep some personal items in the passenger area and made little modifications to suit me and my special needs. For several years now, the aforementioned great religious figures have accompanied me on my daily rounds.

Buddha and Jesus are finger puppets. Read the rest of this entry »


Hello Kitty and The Virgin Mary. Together at last.

I first wrote and posted this on February 22, 2009. I touched it up a bit, retitled and reposted it for a couple reasons. First, it is just a weird thing that happened. Not many folks had a chance to read about it because no one was reading this blog back then. Second, I’m on vacation and while I did pre-write some new stuff to keep things rolling while I’m gone, I’m also demonstrating some laziness. 

Hello Kitty. Yeah. Hello.

Hello Kitty. Yeah. Hello.

 

Today, in a car parked next to mine, I saw a plush 

The Virgin Mary.

The Virgin Mary.

 

Hello Kitty with a picture of the Virgin Mary sewn onto its chest. 

What the hell is that about? What is the purpose…beyond causing me to wonder about it the rest of the day? Read the rest of this entry »


Hello Kitty, The Virgin Mary and me

Today, in a car parked next to mine, I saw a plush Hello Kitty with a picture of the Virgin Mary sewn onto its chest.

What the hell is that about? What is the purpose…beyond causing me to wonder about it the rest of the day?

It was next to a car seat, obviously a little kid plays with it.  Ever wonder where those people who claim to have visions and see the Virgin Mary in their toast come from? Well, I know one of them is riding around in a little car right now with Hello Heavenly Kitty. Read the rest of this entry »