The Pumpkin Revolution Was Televised

For several years, I have railed against the endless surge of that seasonal decoration, pumpkin, into our food supply. And though some of you have made your support clear, I imagine that you’d understand how I felt I was sort of pissing into the wind.

Let’s pause here and wonder about why “pissing into the wind” is an expression. Sure, it expresses the misery of an effort expended with frustrating results. But I think we can do better than that as a reference. In fact, I think less of someone who would lower himself to saying that phrase. We’ll end the pause here, before either of us consider that last sentence.

My Friend John, Bearer Of Bad News

Thanks, John. I could have lived forever without knowing about this. (photo of my left hand, taken with my right)

Thanks, John. I could have lived forever without knowing about this. (photo of my left hand, taken with my right)

So here I am, tossing my little anti-pumpkin bits up on my small-time humor blog year after year. And year after year pumpkin is appearing in more foods where it doesn’t belong. A great friend told me that pumpkin spaghetti sauce is on the market. I was horrified. My first reaction was “how dare you, sir”. And then I thought “don’t kill this messenger, he’s your friend”. Read the rest of this entry »

Reconsidering Cecilia

The Simon and Garfunkel hit, Cecilia, came on the radio as I was running errands. I hummed along, though I’ve never really liked the song all that much. All the begging in the lyrics bugs me.

English: Singer-Songwriter duo Simon & Garfunk...

And/or  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The boys sang their way through the first verse. Then they went into the second verse because that is the proper order of things. As The Ramones sang in Judy Is A Punk, “second verse, same as the first”. More begging. It made me sad to think about their lost dignity. I was about to turn the radio off before they further humiliated themselves, but they were too fast for me.

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom (making love)
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed
Someone’s taken my place

“Well, that’s both revealing and embarrassing for all concerned,” I said to myself. It doesn’t reflect well upon Cecilia, Simon and/or Garfunkel.

In Re Cecilia

This verse looks bad for this young woman. It is her prerogative to date anyone she likes, even folk duos. “Dating” someone, in the home of an earlier “date” is bad form. Doing so in the bedroom of the prior date as they wash up is especially bad.

It is significant that this place taking man has arrived and gotten in bed with Cecilia in the time it takes to wash a face. It is left up to us to decide if Cecilia had prearranged this second rendezvous before arriving at the Simon-Garfunkel residence or she called him as soon as the face washing commenced.

Given that Simon and Garfunkel recorded this song  before  the mobile phone era, I think she arranged this in advance. This second man would have had to be standing by, awaiting some sort of signal. I’m no Cecilia, but if I were her adviser I would recommend some sort of light signal similar to the “one if by land, two if by sea” system made famous by Paul Revere.

In Re Simon And/Or Garfunkel

National Children's Home - Annual Face Wash

Do it yourself, or get someone to help, but do it before the date. (Photo credit: theirhistory)

The likelihood that Cecilia prearranged the second get-together to occur on the heels of the first does not make Simon and/or Garfunkel look like much of a catch. Her expectations of either or both of them were so low that she planned for dissatisfaction. When her prediction came true, she activated a back up plan.

Having completed the act to his/their own (but not Cecilia’s) satisfaction, our singer(s) then got out of bed to do some face washing. I can produce witnesses who can attest that I do not know what women want. But I can say with confidence that women prefer a man who washes before a date. Doing so during or after the date is ineffective and may send an unintentionally insulting message.

It would be easy to judge Cecilia as a woman of questionable character based on what we’re told in verse three. I contend that this does her a disservice. A closer look casts Simon and/or Garfunkel as obsessive-compulsive face washers who aren’t so good with women.

Nobody in this farce is worthy of a visit home to meet the parents. And then it gets worse.

Verses Four And Five

Verse four, which follows the scandalous verse three, has our duo begging Cecilia again.

But then along comes verse five’s jubilation over Cecila’s return. “She loves me again.” Sad, sad, sad. The word “again” implies she loved him/them the first time, but I see nothing that supports that idea.

Now that I’ve thought this through, I’m not going to listen to the song, Cecilia, anymore. I urge you to do the same. These two (or three) need a fresh start away from each other. They’re not going to get that start with us listening to them go on about their problems all the time.

The Sunday Film Series: Minivan Versus Marching Band

I had the chance to catch my son and The NC State Marching Band on Saturday. I took in a football game as well.

Here is a time-lapse video of the band passing through the stadium. The band is well over 300 members, so it usually takes two minutes or more for the whole group to pass one point. Read the rest of this entry »

How To Make An Inspiring Music Video

Español: Logo Vectorial de YouTube

Today, You Tube, tomorrow the world.(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It has occurred to me that videos that are intended to be moving or inspirational follow a formula. Watch any sporting event, any retrospective of a person’s career and you will see the following algebraic formula in action:

m + rv / s = i

In the formula that I am putting forth, m stands for music, rv represents random video, s is slow motion and i is inspiration. So with that, you can see that I am proposing that if you combine music with some random video of people doing stuff, some of which is in slow motion, you get an inspirational music video. Read the rest of this entry »

The Sunday Film Series (On Friday): The Portable Black Hole

Yes, it is Friday and my film series runs on Sundays. I’ll get things back on schedule next week. For this week, please pretend it is Sunday and read on.

People know I am all about science. Physics, astronomy, whatever it takes.

When friends look for me, they know to look in the laboratory. This week I spent a little extra time in the lab, considering the big questions in physics and astronomy. Questions such as “why is the moon following me?” and “if I am strong enough to lift my own weight, can I sit in a chair, pick myself up and fly away?” Read the rest of this entry »

The Sunday Film Series: Father’s Day

I’m moving the Sunday Film Series up a day this week. It will return to its normal day next week.

Given the subject, the star of this week’s film felt that it was important to get the film out before Father’s Day. The Jolie is certain that her presence in the video will cause it to go viral and sweep the net. Who am I to say no to a true star? I’m just a director. Read the rest of this entry »

The Final Open Letter To The Woman In Seat 12-A

Dear Woman in Seat 12-A,

I decided to break my letter to you into two parts. I know that you are very busy slap fighting your son and teaching him to play the pipe organ by showing him You Tube videos. It was just simple consideration for another person’s time that led me to split my thoughts between two letters. You’re familiar with being considerate of others, right? Wait, scratch that last question. I almost forgot who I was talking to.

Just like the last letter, I am going to use this one to suggest some You Tube videos you might want to find and look over. You seem to understand things when they are presented to you in the online video format. Given that I took an elbow in the side of the head during your inflight slap fight with your son, 12-B, I have no qualms about throwing out a few thoughts based on observations I made of your behavior and your son’s. Read the rest of this entry »

Happy New Year!

Best wishes from me and Squeezy McFrog.