Deer Are Impatient Jerks

Saturday night, I saw a deer while I was driving. That’s pretty common. I’ve seen plenty of deer. What makes this sighting notable is that I spotted the deer as he was bouncing off my car.

This encounter happened as we followed some friends along an unfamilar road. I later learned that the friend’s daughter spotted the deer standing next to the road before the collision. The deer let the first car go by, then decided to cross the road. It was a most unfortunate choice on his part.

We Had An Agreement

Before this little meeting, I was sympathetic toward deer. We built roads through their wilderness and they’d get hit by cars as a result. My opinion has changed.

Road alongside marshland, Powderham - geograph...

How many times do we have to tell you? Stay off. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you fly over this country, you’ll see that the majority of it isn’t urban development. There are forests, meadows and farms – plenty of room for deer to conduct their business. Even in developed areas, people’s yards and public park land are perfect for deer. We cede all this land to them. “Do whatever you do, out there” we say, “just stay off our roads and everything will be fine”.

Deer Are Jerks

The deer refuse to live by this simple request. What a bunch of jerks.

They insist on standing on the roads, or running out on to them. Sometimes they gather in groups on the side of major thoroughfares; their presence there snarls up traffic because people fear they might bolt into the roadway. Deer crossing roads always ends up bad for them, but they insist on doing it.

What I realized the other night is that deer aren’t just jerks. Deer are impatient jerks.

No One Likes An Impatient Jerk

My deer encounter happened on a very quiet road. There were no other cars in sight, just the two that were traveling together. Before and after us, nothing but darkness. The first car passed, but the deer couldn’t wait any longer. It ran toward the road and boom, insurance deductible time.

Had the deer waited a second longer, we’d have passed peacefully through each others lives the way we should have. The deer was impatient. He had to get across the street, now.


It is impolite to stare, jerk. (Photo credit: kkirugi)


And here how impatient this jerk deer was. He hit the back of the car. I didn’t hit him, he hit me! If he’d have been able to hold his horses for another nanosecond I’d have been out of his way and he could have gone into the woods and done whatever was so gosh darn important once he got there safely.

But no, this deer was an impatient jerk.

Maybe it is the trauma of the incident. Perhaps it is the fright of the inexplicable loud bang at the back of the car or the guilt of having hit another living thing with a car. It could even be the sight of him in my rear view mirror, stumbling back, never losing his footing and then taking off into the woods. It is so unlike me to lump a whole group together based on the misdeeds of one, but something is making me do it now. I’m not taking it back.

Deer are impatient jerks.

22 Comments on “Deer Are Impatient Jerks”

  1. How can he fly over our country? He’s not a reindeer!

    My husband hit a deer. On the way to the hospital to have our first child. Sometimes, they get what’s coming to them.

  2. Katie says:

    The deer that run out like that don’t bother me, it’s those one in the caution signs walking on two legs that I personally find distressing.

  3. He hit the back of your car? Maybe he needs glasses.

    At least because he hit the back, there will be no question that the deer caused damage instead of you swerving and hitting something else that caused the damage, and the insurance should cover it.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Ugh, what a pain. Glad you are ok.

  5. Dan Hennessy says:

    I don’t think you should lump all deer together , there being various types . Right ? That would be unfair . Reindeer might not be such jerks as mule deer , for example . By the way : bad time to insult reindeer ——you might not get a visit from Santa’s sleigh ……………

  6. Debbie says:

    Are you okay, Oma? That’s the important thing, you know. Yes, deer are impatient jerks — there, I’ve just repeated your profiling of an entire species. Am I sorry? Not one bit. Somebody should teach them to look both ways, then cross the road — just like we teach kids.

  7. That sucks. They really are jerks!

  8. tundrawoman says:

    They ambush vehicles regularly here: That’s why we have “Big Game Huntin’ Season” and “Big Deductable Huntin’ Season” the rest of the year.
    Glad none of you were injured.

  9. Oh Deer, I hope you both are alright. Pun intended. Glad you are all right though I am feeling the guilt thing. I hit a butterfly I feel like a jerk….just saying.
    Seriously glad you are o.k. and Merry Christmas Oma to you and yours: Peace.

  10. Hahaha… this made me laugh! Not at you, with you, of course! I’ve hit three in my life, the most recent (and biggest) about a month ago. They are everywhere around us. Amazingly I’ve had almost no car damage and the recent one was a direct hit. Knock on wood I guess. Hope the damage wasn’t too bad. Now you can add hunter to your resume.

  11. spencercourt says:

    An acquaintance driving at night on Alligator Alley, which connects the east and west coast of of South Florida hit a BIG wild pig which caused considerable damage to his front. Either a Sheriff deputy or Highway Patrol officer showed up to assist. As he got back on the road, he was asked by the officer if he wanted the pig put in his trunk. After declining, the officer asked if he had any problem with the officer taking the pig. I’ve had “boar” at Ted’s Montana Grill…yum!

  12. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Squirrels are worse. They actually play that dart and fake out game with cars and bikes. I’m glad you’re okay, Oma.

  13. We Found Him Captain! says:

    Good thing you were not driving the Mazda, eh!! Be careful out there, deer urine will ruin a car’s finish.

  14. You said the deer stumbled back and then ran into the woods. He’s in there now telling his war story to all his buddies. They are like that you, you know? They play this game of chicken and 9 times out of 10 they end up bumped and bruised with a good story to tell over a brew. The ones who suffer from this “reindeer game” are the vehicles. They are always the ones who come out horribly scarred if not written off.
    I’m glad you are OK, Oma.

  15. […] You might remember me telling you of a recent run in I had with an impatient jerk a deer. […]

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