Why I Now Care About The Royal Wedding
Posted: November 17, 2010 Filed under: Foolishness, I don't care | Tags: celebrities, Charles Prince of Wales, comedy, current events, Elizabeth II, England, fiction, humor, Kate Middleton, news, phone calls, Prince Charles, Prince William, Prince William of Wales, random, royal wedding, royalty, University of St Andrews, Wedding 59 Comments
I love my Dad, but I am not wearing one of these hats, even if he does (Image via Wikipedia)
Yesterday, those of us in North America woke up to the news that Prince William of England will be marrying Kate Middleton. As I went through my day, many of my friends and co-workers approached me for my opinion on this news. Why? I’m not sure. It was a little odd. My answer was predictable – I don’t care.
As the day went on, my answer changed. Why? Because I was called and asked to sing at the wedding.
Why me?
Why is a really reasonable question, if you don’t know me. People who do would tell you that I have a very powerful voice. I am capable of filling a large cathedral with my vocal stylings, without the need for artificial amplification.
I don’t feel constrained by the traditional musical notes, A through G. Some of my friends have heard me sing notes as high as M flat, and as low as 5. Yes, my vocal range extends down into the numbers!
I am the obvious choice for this gig.
There Was The Matter Of Money
Should Your Highness wish to speed dial Omawarisan, she should press 5 ( image via smh.com.au)
When Queen Elizabeth called, I was surprised. I have gone to such great lengths to keep her from getting my number.
So there we were on the phone, with The Queen asking me to sing at her Grandson’s wedding. Naturally, we had to discuss my fees and expenses. I assumed the bride’s family would be writing me a check. The Queen let me know that was not the case. “Dude, seriously, I’m like…The Queen”, she told me, “everyone knows I pick up the tab when I party”
That Leaves One Unanswered Question
I asked him to do what?!?!?!? (Image via popewatch.wordpress.com
With the money issue behind us, all that was left was the selection of music. I asked Queen Elizabeth if there was a particular piece of music she or the wedding couple would want me to prepare for my performance.
The Queen’s answer was direct – “O, I think you know your musical gift better than anyone. I want you to pick a couple of songs you like and just do what you do on the big day.”
Hearing something like this from the Queen was very flattering, but it does come with a bit of pressure attached. Just “pick a couple of songs”? That’s it? Come on, Your Highness, help a brother out!
I’m in trouble here. I need everyone’s suggestions. What song or songs do you want to hear me sing at the big royal wedding? The Queen left it up to me, I’m leaving it up to you!
Remember, this is important to me, even though I used to not care at all.
My first thoughts are Whiter Shade of Pale (that organ solo on a cathedral organ makes it a no brainer) and Can’t Touch This.
Related Articles
- Prince William and Kate Middleton Get Engaged (seattlepi.com)
Blurt 
Gee, oma…wish I could be at the wedding, because I would love to hear you sing “Love Will Keep Us Together” by the Captain and Tennille, and “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John and Kiki Dee. I’m probably not on the guest list, though (nearly decapitating Prince William’s mother with an out-of-control boom mike in 1983 probably puts me on some other sort of list!).
Break a leg!
Wendy
I had no idea you were a security risk, Wendy! Well done!
The Captain was carrying Tennile. He was the act.
Duets are tough unless the other singer agrees not to stick to a-g.
I love the fact that we get to help you pick the songs for this awesome occassion, what an honor you give to your readers!
Seeing you have such an extra ordinary vocal range, I feel the need to help you stretch it a bit
My list of suggestions:
I will always love you – Whitney Houston
Can’t Get Enough of your Love Baby – Barry White
And while I think that your choice of “Can’t Touch this” ALMOST hits the spot, I would like to suggest instead, “I Like Big Butts” By ‘Sir’ Mix a lot. After all, the original singer is almost royalty or evidently has been “dubbed” at some point in time.
It’s not a big deal. Nothing really… but… the Mix A Lot song is called “Baby Got Back”.
🙂
I put a lot of thought into this:
— “She’s Havin’ My Baby,” by Paul Anka, just to mess with the tabloids
— “God Save the Queen,” by the Sex Pistols, as a tribute to grandmum
— “Baby Got Back,” by Sir Mix-a-Lot, because that would awesome
Also, “Theme to ‘Shaft’,” by Isaac Hayes.
Interesting that you both went sir mix a lot. I could go baby got back, but I’d probably do it like Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine –
That cat Shaft is a bad mutha…
Shut your mouth!
But I’m talkin’ bout Shaft!?
I have to go with “Can’t Touch This”…or I like Todd’s “Baby Got Back.” Maybe some “Ice, Ice Baby.”
But the real question is will rap showcase off your voice? How about some of D’Angelo’s “Brown Sugar?”
Just don’t read the “off.” Or don’t read the “case.” Your choice.
I’m not agaisnt rapping one song, just to show that I’m not there to show off. I looked up the D’Angelo song…could be!
“Always look on the bright side of life” ought to bring down the house.
maybe I could just wear a loin cloth, like in the movie?
“Don’t Touch My Hat” — Lyle Lovett or absolutely anything EXCEPT than “Longer” – Dan Fogelberg.
The other night Lucy Kaplansky and John Gorka were preparing to do a song together. Lucy told John the key was G, to which he replied, “Oh good choice, ’cause A’s too fast.”
If you go with Lovett, I’d go with “God Will” or “LA County.”
I really think there has to be a hat reference. If not, though, “If I Had a Boat” works for me.
So Fat Babies Have No Pride is right out?
Got it: “She’s No Lady,” you know, the one that goes, “The preacher asked her, and she said, ‘I do.’ The preacher asked me, she said, ‘Yes, he does, too.'”
If that’s not a wedding song, I don’t know what is.
What, and “Kiss my @#$, Kemosabe…” isn’t? 😉
Oh wait…I think Todd has it.
The Kemosabe line is sort of a post wedding tune.
Yeah — that was sarcasm. 😉 I agree – Todd’s is better.
What if I did it as a 3 song cycle. 1 She’s no lady, shes my wife 2. Fat babies 3. if I had a boat?
More importantly, how much skinnier can this thread get?
What’s a royal wedding without the limbo?
and with that, we find how thin the thread will go. You are the winner, congratulations my friend! You’re right on the limbo too. Prince Phillip is a limbo beast! – Oma
Please remove “than” or replace EXCEPT with “other.” I blame Thoughts Appear for setting the precedent. 🙂
Lyle would work. How about Church or That’s Right, Your Not From Texas?
She sets dangerous precedents.
I take full responsibility for this as well.
It can only be Bohemian Rhapsody.
That would bring down the house. I’d have to do it last though, I’d probably be exhausted afterward.
Galileo!
howsa about i give you the reception songs.
opener: you gotta fight for your right to party (beasties)
closing: too drunk to fuck (dead kennedys)
I didn’t get the reception gig, Elton John snaked me on it. Just because people “know” him.
I saw the DK’s on The Mall in DC…decades ago. I could do one of theirs, then come back with Stand By Your Man?
Its a good thing your on speed dial#5, that is a good number!
5 is the only number, as we well know!
At first I felt a little sting for poor Oma that he was only #5, and then I realized it’s at the center of the keypad (strategic genius) and it’s the number of the finest third baseman of all time (sheer genius). Omawarison is one cool cat.
I am offering my expertize and exceptional musical playing ability as a back-up musician at this, the most wondrous of wedding days ever to grace the cover of that literary journal, The National Inquirer (Sadly, now under chapter 13). I have been know to blindfold myself and play as many as three guitar chords in a row without making more than one or two mistakes. I seriously doubt you’ll find that kind of geniosity to induce the best sound coming from deep inside your vocal chords any place else on the planet. Plus I work cheap.
Perfect. Start practicing, or not. Talent like ours is probably better when we get that raw, unrehearsed sound.
If I practice, it won’t be that raw, unrehearsed sound. Oh, you mean blindfolded. Okay.
I’m surprised no one thought of “I’m Henry the XIII” by Herman’s Hermits. I realize that this is beneath your talent and ability but I thought it would be funny since Henry the XIII is probably a great, great, great, great, great, great, . . . Uncle or Grandfather or something. Aren’t they really all related in some way?
Nothing is beneath my talent! That is an obvious one to have in the running that I’m surprised The Queen isn’t the one who requested it.
Tell the queen I apologize for saying XIII instead of VIII. That was a mistype. Wasn’t talking about Louis.
No problem. It went right past me, my Roman is kind of weak.
I suppose the song “Kill The King” by Rainbow is out of question, huh?
I’m thinking that I might find the end of the leash right about there.
I ask my music advisors and they came up with a few suggestions–of-course first I had to inspire them to care about William and Kate and their pending mixed-money marriage. ….
Friend Williams playlist
“Purple Haze”
“Somebody to Love”
“Light My Fire”
Friend Toms playlist:
Whipping Post-Allman Bros.
In A Gadda Da Vida- Iron Butterfly
Enter Sandman-Metallica
I just love royal weddings.
♥ sigh.
Those are impressive suggestions. In a gadda da vida might be good just because it goes on so very long and I can see people checking their watches.
Purple Haze is a good choice, The Queen loves Abita Purple Haze beer.
I’m not a huge fan of the Royals (Except for Diana, RIP) so how about “Stuck in the Middle with you” by Steeler’s Wheel? 😉
Good call, the song based on that Sheryl Crow song? 😉
Okay I thought long and hard on this – or at least long enough to read all the other suggestions while racking my brain for the PERFECT song, and I came up with a couple of choices to help get them in the mood that night:
“Boom Boom Pow” by the Black Eyed Peas.
“Cum on Everybody” by Eminem to follow “Boom Boom Pow”
“Dive in” by the Dave Matthews Band
“Get Mine, Get Yours” By Christina Aguilera
“Going Under” by Evanescence
“Grind” by Alice and Chains
“I’m not Dead” by Pink.
Let me know if you need other choices. I have a plethora of ideas for you.
P.S. I am so proud of you for taking the call. Last week I let Justin Timberlake (ooooh…”Sexyback!!!!”) go to voicemail for the umpteenth time. He’s always asking me to be a back-up dancer for his tour and I just don’t have the time.
Hmm…Dave Matthews. What if I sang Ants Marching for the procession?
Oh no, you don’t want to back anyone, come on! Who does he think he is?
Man, this is great. I’m really envious. If it was ME–which it is not–I would see this as a perfect opportunity to debut an original song. Start your set by singing something everybody knows (Oops, I Did It Again), the dim the lights, pull out your electrified mandolin, and start singing your new song. You should also bring CD’s to sell…maybe some T-shirts, too.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen…I’m going to slow it down right now and do a little number I wrote in the limo on the way over here to sing for all you wonderful people….it’s a little number about when the happy couple met that I like to call “Hey baby, did I mention my grandmother is the Queen?”…
I think you should go with “U Can’t Touch This” because of your vocal stylings, but you know I also have a great voice, so if the Queen asks for a duet, please keep me in mind.
I do need something that showcases my dance skills.
As best I can tell, you have two voices. We could do a trio.
Wendy sent me over here – this is REALLY funny!
How about something super lame like Dancing Queen, especially for your new BFF, Lizzy? And you could wear Abba outfits and everything.
I love the photos and the captions – thanks!
Sunshine
Well welcome…and thank you to Wendy!
The Abba thing has some appeal. If I could do the beard and 70’s hair thing it would be spectacular.
I also wrote about the Royal Engagement in my blog post today – check it out, if you have a moment.
https://sunshineinlondon.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/the-princess-and-me/
How about singing Ochoa Cinque……the Flying nun version….with a trio of accordions for backup?
I’m thinking “All the Young Girls Love Alice” from the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album…that way you can upstage Elton John’s Reception Gig, and quite possibly be asked to replace him when he runs off for a Tantrum and Tiara moment. “All the Young girls love Alice…tender young Alice they say” [sung very low and velvety here] “Come over and see me, come over and please me…[crescendo voice now]wait ’till my husband’s away…”
This could really move the crowd to tears. And being that is will be sung so tenderly, and in a church, well…I get seriously weepy just thinking about it.
That’s a good choice, much better than Love Lies Bleeding!