Christmas Decorations – A Policy Of My Administration
Posted: December 15, 2010 Filed under: Foolishness, The policies of my administration | Tags: bad choices, bad ideas, Biblical Magi, Christmas, Christmas and holiday season, Christmas Eve, christmas lights, comedy, Festivus, good intentions, holiday, humor, life, Nativity of Jesus, rants, Santa Claus, the policies of my administration, you tube 49 Comments’tis the season.
Since ’tis, I think ’tis time for a policy announcement that pertains to this time of year.
Maintain your decor, please. (Image by Rich Renomeron via Flickr)
I enjoy outdoor Christmas decorations and lights. They express the joy people feel during the holiday season. I appreciate the effort involved in sharing that joy.
My administration will always be supportive of all the winter holidays – Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, New Years and all the ones that I will later wish I’d remembered to name.
However…
When I take over, my administration will have a strict policy regarding outdoor holiday decor. My administration will have a zero tolerance policy for mixing styles in holiday displays.
Santa, Angels, Snowmen, Nativity, Candy Canes. A clear violation. (image via hearltessdoll.com)
Those caught mixing decorative styles will lose the privilege of decorating their property during the next holiday season. Additionally, they will attend a twelve step program on holiday decor. The program theme will be “Responsible Holiday Decor: Where Did I Go Wrong?”
Decorative Styles? Huh?
I’m glad you asked, let me explain.
As I see it, decorating one’s yard for Christmas is a choice between two styles. Both styles are equally valid, but they can not exist on the same lawn. The styles are the Santa/Frosty The Snowman Style and the Nativity Style.
We’ve all seen yards with carefully placed, respectfully lit scenes depicting the birth of Jesus. Expressions of faith are good things. However, when I see a Nativity scene as I have described, with Santa Claus included in with the Wise Men, it makes a vein start throbbing behind my eye.
People are dumb, dogs are dumb, you like lasagna. I get it. It just isn’t funny (Image by stevegarfield via Flickr)
I am not a religious scholar. Perhaps I’ll hire one for my administration. I do know enough about the various faiths to know that Santa was not documented as being among those who were present at the birth of Jesus. If a person’s devotion drives them to recreate a scene they find holy on their front lawn, my administration will insist they leave Santa, Frosty, candy canes, carolers and that jerk Garfield The Cat out of it.
The reverse is also true. Should one decide to go with Santa and his reindeer as decoration on their roof, Santa’s sleigh should not be taking off toward the Star of Bethlehem. If you are alive today and Santa is on your roof, he can not possibly also be within sight of a one time astronomical event that occurred to those on Earth thousands of years ago.
The Other Rule
I know I said there was one policy , but it would have been more accurate to say there is one policy, and then there is The Other Rule.
The Other Rule is very simple. Each religious figure or fictitious holiday related icon may only appear once in the outdoor decor of a given home.
There is only one Santa Claus. He can’t be on your lawn and on your roof at the same time. Should you choose a Santa theme, you must place him in one spot and be happy with that spot.
Similarly, it will not be permissible to supplement the expected cast of any manger scene with additional figures simply because you have them on hand. The story mentions Three Wise Men – not Three, plus the other Two you have because those rotten kids stole the third one last year and you kept the other two. I hope we are clear on that.
I’m glad we can have these talks and appreciate the support you have all given my policies so far. Feel free to enforce this policy as you see fit until I choose to move myself into the seat of power.
Remember, if it is an important matter, it will be my policy page. If it isn’t there, it doesn’t matter yet.
Blurt 
I like this policy, and if I ever get decorations up outside, I will follow it to the letter!
Wendy
Thank you very much. Don’t feel as if you need to have your own decorations up to enforce the rule on others!
If we must “mix”, the Christ child should be larger, smiling, and more ambulatory, M and J wouldn’t need to hover so closely to the cradle, they could mingle more, providing the manger has been childproofed. The wise men would have to be related, like uncles or big brothers, keeping an eye on the newly mobile one. Santa could then be on the roof, candy canes (not candy corn) dangling freely from the rafters. “Baby’s first Christmas”.
So the wise men would be those J would refer to as “The Boys”?
DuhBoyz. one word.
I sense some real Garfield anger here, omawarisan. But I agree with all your points.
You are perceptive, ma’am! It amazes me that the guy that writes it that gets paid a ton of money to be funny, he isn’t, and they keep paying him.
> winter holidays…that I will later wish I’d remembered to name.
Like Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Day-After-Christmas Exchange Day….
Boxing Day!
You make a valid point concerning the mix of nativity and Santa; however, one could argue that Santa is truly the beloved “Saint Nicholas” attired in western habilments. If this is true, then the mix is appropriate.
Which brings up the argument of historical accuracy regarding the appearance of the Saint at the birth of Jesus.
Oh my . . .
See! You’re getting the throbbing thing behind your eye, arent you?
I totally agree with your policy and rule. I don’t like decorations mixing…just like my food.
Oh yeah, food is a great example! You taste this…then you taste that.
I can make sense of Santa, then I can make sense of The Nativity on consecutive lawns
I must confess that because of the severe cold weather we have lately, I dressed up the life sized nativity statues on my front lawn. Joseph is wearing a US Army fatigue jacket, (I removed the sgt. stripes from the sleeves), Mary is wearing my wife’s Alaskan malamute fur coat and hat and Jesus is wearing my oldest son’s snow suit. We also wrapped the entire manger in Saran wrap to keep the rain and sleet off the baby. To protect the domestic animals, we put the 3 camels, several sheep and the cow in our garage until the weather gets warmer…… Does anyone need several buckets of camel, sheep and cow manure? I’ll be glad when we can let them go bak outside. My garage smells like the bottom deck of Noah’s ark.
We put the 3 camels, the sheep and cow in our garage until the weather gets warmer
Take the Saran Wrap off the manger, for Christ’s sake!
Now, that’s funny.
Thank you for picking that up, I was kind of proud of it when it popped in my head.
And well you should be. Should have been. Whatever!
You and I think alike sir. I am more than willing to be Minister of the Not-So-Good Christmas Decorations Ministry – Northern Division.
You’re in, Globally. Please commence with the ministeringisms.
I agree completely. This drives me nuts. Religious or secular: Pick one and run with it!
(Sorry, didn’t mean to sound like a talk-radio host. I really don’t have terribly strong feelings about it one way or the other.)
Oh I didn’t read it that way. I agree – pick and focus!
I agree completely! Nothing bothers me more! Just because you can get all those decorations for sale after Christmas doesn’t mean they should ever occupy the same real estate. That’s world’s colliding after all and I can’t even imagine Santa would stop by a house that shows such disregard for aesthetics. Perhaps, in an addendum to your policy you could add that none of these decorations shall appear on your lawn after March.
I’m tweeting this post. The world must know.
I agree…By the first week in January, down they come.
The beauty of Festivus is that the only decoration is a pole. No lights. No glitter. No conflicting religious/secular icons to confound and confuse.
none of that distracting tinsel!
garfield is so not funny. and neither is ziggy. make them go away in your new society.
I will. Also, I will seize all the profits from both cartoonists and use it to fund an art school for people who understand what funny is.
I agree with Patty. Those creepy characters do not belong next to Santa, reindeers and elves.
Not there, not anywhere. I’m going to eliminate them completely.
What if you (and by you I mean I) are Jewish from your mother but you were baptized to appease your father (‘s family)? Are you allowed to mix blue and white lights and Santa carrying a menorah to light his way through the fog when Rudolph’s nose isn’t bright enough? Not that it makes a difference, we only have a tree in the house and a menorah in the window (when we remember, and this year we did not), but I’d just like to know in preparation for my big house I’ll buy when my blog gets picked up by the networks and you become leader of the world and take over this joint.
P.S. Do you need a secretary? I have really good handwriting and I’m an excellent typist. When you take over I mean. Let me know and I’ll send you my resume.
My administration is hiring for all positions. Penmanship counts for all except me.
Now, on to your question. Despite your ability to transcend faith traditions you must still go religious or secular. You may consider ways to use subtle symbolism, such as Santa delivering 9 gifts to symbolize the number of candles in the menorah.
Alternatively, you may mix religious traditions, like a Menorah on one side of the driveway and the Star of Bethlehem on the other.
I’m glad we could have this chat.
Can I have the naivety scene on one side of my yard and a Santa scene on the other side of my yard separate by a sidewalk? O Holy nights on one side—and Santa is coming to town on the other side. No two decoration shall meet although they might shine on each other a little; but very very little.
We have Gumbo rules, We have truck stop and service station etiquette, We have appropriate and inappropriate road signage rules. . .and you can only vote once rules…and now we have Christmas decorating rules…
My head is beginning to throb behind my eyes.
♥
Perhaps it may be possible with sufficient distance between them in the judgment of the Minister of Christmas Decor, upon submission of the proper forms.
The policies are being developed to protect society. They really shouldnt be all that burdensome for most folks. Please dont forget the policy on not talking on the phone in the bathroom.
I have a new neighbor on the corner. Yesterday he put nine 12 foot poles (no flags attached) on his front lawn. We have been trying to figure out what it was all about and after reading your fantastic article(s) and comments from your followers, we realized that the new neighbors really like to celebrate Festivus in a big way……….
Thanks for helping solve this puzzle.
[…] Here is a fun post on decorating your House the “right way.” […]
A question: Can Santa be on my lawn and in my house at the same time?
Also, don’t forget Chrismukkah! Seth Cohen would be really pissed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chrismukkah
One last thing — if you get rid of Garfield, please save Wade Duck and the rest of the U.S. Acres crew. I love them!
Yes. The indoor Santa is part of a completely seperate display and thus permissible under the policy.
I’ll save Wade Duck. Garfield I want gone such that he never ever comes back.
You hate Garfield and pumpkin. Do you also despise traffic cones? If I were to decorate my yard with Christmas tigers, would I be dispensed to this new regime’s Dungeon of Bad Taste with all the pumpkin farmers, Tennessee fans, highway construction workers, hunters, Gunther Gabel-Williams, and Jim Davis? I am cool with that if you send lots of red-headed women.
I’m good with Christmas tigers, but Gunther Gebel Williams can not be their trainer because I don’t like the way he dresses. I’d substitute Andy Williams, even though he wasn’t in te same wardrobe class as you and I. Well that and the whole dead thing makes it tough.
[…] to write a series. Frankly, Seinfeld could take lessons from him. Before it’s too late, read his post detailing his policies on Christmas decorations. You won’t regret it and neither will your neighborhood homeowner’s association. While you’re […]
In theory, I completely agree. Santa or Baby Jesus. Pick one.
…but in practice, I’ll accept anything that includes a penguin and sparkly lights. I like sparkly lights 🙂
Actually, I could get behind a nativity with a penguin next to the camel. Everything just the same, plus a penguin.
I always wondered what’s with the “about to be dead tree because you cut it down” symbolizing everlasting life?
And why, in 2012, am I getting blogs you posted in 2010?
I’m not sure on the tree thing. Maybe it is a “you’re going to outlast this tree” thing?
I don’t know why you got it. I was editing it when you got it.
[…] my administration’s policy on Christmas decoration and remember, there were three wise men, not […]
Don’t worry yourself with such details. Two words…..Mayan calendar.
Hi Sandy! Your yard decor is always in good taste.
No Mayan will end my administration.