Taco Bell Denise

Let’s face it, advertising is all about doing whatever it takes to get in our pockets. I understand that. I allow for it when I see it and don’t take offense, within reason. Then Taco Bell unveiled the Denise commercial.

Talking dogs I can accept. Perhaps there was some genetic switch flipped that allowed that Chihuahua to speak.

A Chihuahua wrote this. A Beagle drew the picture. Chihuahuas can't draw.

Acting as if there are Taco Bell employees who are both personable and as attractive as the two young women in this ad is completely ridiculous. Placing them both in the same ad, as if they are the standard people we can expect in a Taco Bell restaurant, is an insult to our intelligence. Chihuahuas will not only talk, but they will produce epic poems that are volumes in length in perfect calligraphy before Taco Bell hires and retains two good-looking and friendly employees at the same outlet.

Let’s assume the man in this commercial really was stupid enough to believe that he’d forged so strong a bond with a Taco Bell employee during their two-minute encounter the previous day, that she’d chosen to cut him some sort of special deal. Here is how I believe the scenario presented in the commercial would have actually looked and gone.

Man: Is Denise working?

Cashier (who sports a neck tattoo and long fake nails) : No, she ain’t. She’s tryin’ for her GED again. What can I get you?

Man: I’m just more comfortable ordering with Denise.

Cashier: Well I guess you ain’t eatin’, are you?

Denise (off camera): Well at least clean up the trailer if you aren’t going to get a job, you jerk. (Door slams)

Cashier: Hey Denise, did you pass?

Denise (now visible as she punches in. Her knuckles are tattooed with the words love and hate. She’s got a big gold tooth. There is nothing appealing about her) : No, I didn’t. Thanks for bringing it up. I’m going on break.

Cashier : Could you at least take this guy’s order?

Denise (walking toward the back, in a mocking tone) : Could you at least take this guy’s order? Yeah, right.

Taco Bell, look, you have to understand. Some things can be faked. Some can’t. We all know Denise and her friend would never, ever be behind one of your counters.

You’ve crossed a line. Get back on the right side of it and we’ll all forget this foolish choice of yours ever happened.

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37 Comments on “Taco Bell Denise”

  1. hannah78 says:

    Yeah “Denise” is definitely fiction, but probably for the best anyways since Taco Bell serves Grade F meat that looks suspiciously the same going in as going out! LOL

  2. linlah says:

    They got rid of the Chihuahua?

  3. KathiD says:

    I had to quit eating at Taco Bell after that time I ordered a vegan burrito and they gave me one with meat in it and destroyed my previously immortal soul.

    I guess I could go back, since my soul is shot anyway.

  4. omawarisan says:

    Hannah, I think that can be marketed as efficiency.

    Linlah, I’m sorry, yeah. The Chihuahua passed, I think this past summer.

    Kathi, Denise would never do that to you. Of course, she doesn’t work there.

  5. shoutabyss says:

    So many thoughts. Which way to go? Hmm?

    OK, I’ll try to be good.

    I mean, come on. Seriously. WTF! Even without your beautiful intro I would have still barfed on that commercial. :p

    Personally I’d be willing to forgive and forget if they produce a commercial staring Denise wearing nothing but Black Tacos. Yum.

  6. hawaiianpun says:

    When you say “the Chihuahua passed,” do you mean “into the meat grinder to serve as burrito filling”?

  7. Kate says:

    What’s a commercial? I don’t think I’ve seen one of those since 2006 when we got TiVo. 😉

  8. omawarisan says:

    HP, welcome! The Chihuahua is taking the dirt nap. She has assumed room temperature.

    One day I will have TiVo. Ideally it will be before I take the dirt nap.

  9. Jules says:

    Ha! My husband was just lamenting that very sad truth last night. If only Taco Bell and Hooters could merge. All male needs would be met.

  10. omawarisan says:

    Welcome Jules! That is true, we have simple needs. But we’re not as simple as the guy in the commercial.

  11. queensgirl says:

    I can’t really comment, as I haven’t seen it on TV and can’t hear it here because my sound card decided to take an early retirement. I have a feeling it’s for the best, though.

  12. omawarisan says:

    It was inescapable during the football game last night. I saw it several times. It doesn’t get any better the more you see it.

  13. Counter Culture Clown says:

    I’m pregnant with her child…

  14. planetross says:

    I sooooo miss ads on North American TV.

    hee hee!

  15. tsanda says:

    I definetly understand why they made that commercial, because if the normal shlubs that hand out t-bell were featured my tv would explode.

  16. omawarisan says:

    CCC – I’m happy for you both and support your decision. Also, I guess that lines you up for the inside deal on .89 burritos, right?

    Ross – They can’t possibly be as awful as they are here, can they?

    ts – I try to wear a welders mask if I risk going into a Taco Bell. It protects against my eyes being burned and I can’t really claw at them either. Safety first.

  17. Counter Culture Clown says:

    I get my burritos for FREE. Not that I want them. Need I remind you of the 9 Layers of Taco Hell?

  18. Keli says:

    This is why I don’t watch TV. You see these ads and then you go out, and reality strikes. I get the cashier with the fake fingernails every time.

  19. omawarisan says:

    Keli, just be thankful she’s not in the kitchen.

    In other news, Ladies and Gentlemen, when you Google Taco Bell Denise, whats the first listing? Yup.

    This is the first step to world domination.

  20. Thanks for keeping it real. As I read the dialogue that you wrote, I felt like I was taken back to the Taco Bells that I’ve been to in LA and DC. Spot on! The commercial must be some fetish dream.

  21. jammer5 says:

    Right, and every taco bell I ever walked into had two of the hottest babes in town waiting on me . . . not. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t help but crack up. But then again, if you look at the reality shows with the youth of today, the intelligence, or lack thereof, exhibited on the commercial pretty much resembles reality.

  22. Yipicya says:

    Anyone else think that “Denise” should get a restraining order from the creepy customer?

  23. omawarisan says:

    Good point Yip, it is hard to say which is the bigger draw for him. She probably should err on the side of safety and get some paperwork done.

  24. hahaha. thumbs up to this blog, and so true.

  25. Fredsdad says:

    I live in a college town and the taco bell is right across the street from the school. They get some good looking girls working there, but they don’t stay long.

  26. Clark says:

    Agreed, a talking dog is far more believable than two hot white chicks working at the Bell!

  27. Jason Z says:

    This is one of the most scaredy-cat, politically correct pieces I’ve seen in a while.

    Cashier has “a neck tattoo and long fake nails” and for Denise: “Her knuckles are tattooed with the words love and hate. Shes(sic) got a big gold tooth.”

    So to keep it nice and safe, black stereotypes are now coupled with white trash stereotypes? If you’re going to rag on people who work at Taco Bell, you should have more guts than this.

    • omawarisan says:

      Nice pick up on shes…it truly should be she’s. I’ll fix that.

      As to the rest of your points, I didn’t get the email that notified me those were exclusive characteristics of black people.

      Nice talking to you.

  28. Jacob Miles says:

    I work at Taco Bell with knuckle tattoos, and yet somehow beyond all rhyme or reason considering my ink, am still able to be awesome at customer service and not live in a trailer. Broad generalizations can be funny but not when used by writers who aren’t.

    • omawarisan says:

      Nicely done Jacob.

      Nothing there to indicate I believe someone with knuckle tattoos would be incapable of providing good customer service. I would submit though, that for many of your customers, those tattoos are an obstacle you must overcome.

      That aside, the main point is, you don’t work with anyone remotely like Denise, and wont until you’re at the corporate level.

  29. Ryan Sappenfield says:

    This is the stupidest analysis of something like that commercial I’ve seen. You are completely overanalyzing the info. And bull shit, there is no such thing as “graded meat”, look your info up.

    • omawarisan says:

      Ryan, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to let me know how stupid my analysis is.

      Trust me, the part about calling BS on me about graded meat didn’t lower your credibility in my eyes one bit. The fact that I’ve never considered writing about that and did not write about it here does not make you look foolish.

      Come back soon, I’m probably not going to be writing about meat, but you can educate me on it as you see fit.

  30. AiXeLsyD13 says:

    Denise’s behavior is most certainly fictional, I’d wager that Taco Bell employees generally just don’t give a damn.

  31. DiLo says:

    We did an interview with ‘Denise’ aka Nicole Hayden in January. She is pretty awesome…


  32. jackie says:

    I work at Taco Bell and I’m attractive. So are all of my fellow female co-workers.

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