Corduroy Pants Versus The Singing Guy. Who Will Win?Posted: January 24, 2011
A few months ago I introduced you to someone in my office I call The Singing Guy. The Singing Guy goes beyond the usual and acceptable levels of singing at work. Instead, he puts on awkward performances that leave misery and confusion in their wake.
More recently, I let you in on a plan I developed to torment The Singing Guy into days of silence. I realized through observation one day that an error in his dry cleaning order distracted him so severely that he was unable to sing. I decided to experiment with periodically slipping additional garments into his dry cleaning after the cleaners brought it back to the office.
I went to a Goodwill store and purchased three garments to begin the plan. Today, I come to you with happy news. The first implementation of the plan was a success.
Over the New Years Weekend I noticed that a load of freshly cleaned and pressed clothes had arrived from the dry cleaners. I perused the names on the clothes hanging there, each bundle of hangers covered in light plastic to separate them from the others. Valdez, Roberts, Barker and (jackpot!) The Singing Guy!
I went to my locker and got one of the purchases I made at Goodwill – a pair of corduroy pants. I chose them specifically because they were both very much beneath the style level The Singing Guy finds acceptable, but also far too small to fit him. I slipped these pants in among the clothes that had been delivered for him…two jackets, a couple dress shirts, a pair of pants and now, a tiny pair of corduroy pants.
Then, I waited.
The Day Comes
The Singing Guy came in after New Years well rested and energized. Days like these are exactly the sort of days where a performance can be expected from The Singing Guy. His energy built through the morning. He didn’t seem affected. Things looked pretty grim. I asked a co-worker (the one who endured the performance of the Happy Days theme in the original post) to go back and check to see if the pants were still there. He came back and gave a thumbs up.
After lunch, The Singing Guy checked the dry cleaning rack and the pants took immediate effect. The Singing Guy returned to his desk and groaned “it happened again”. Someone asked him what he was talking about. He told them the cleaners messed up again. The energy was gone, I could tell he didn’t have the spirit to sing.
I was right. The rest of the day there was no singing, just occasional remarks to a friend – “why does this keep happening to me?” and a call to his wife “can you believe it happened again?”
When I came back in the next day there was an email that had been sent to the whole office:
The cleaners mistakenly included a worn pair of corduroy pants in my dry cleaning. If they are yours, please come see me. Singing Guy
Yeah, classy move. Offer to help the person who is missing their pants, yet mock them for owning “worn” pants. Good job Singing Guy.
Classy moves aside, I can report to you that the corduroy pants hit their target and successfully prevented singing for the day and a half that I was witness to and another day as reported by my cohort. That success and calling my shabby corduroy pants “worn” guarantees there will be another delivery in the future.
Here Is Where You Come In
I have two questions I’d like you to resolve regarding the future of the project.
First, how soon should I deliver another surprise to The Singing Guy. My instinct is to make the next one in May, but I’m open to April.
Next, here are photos of the two items I have on hand from my Goodwill shopping expedition and available to add to The Singing Guy’s dry cleaning. One is a tacky jacket, far too large for him. The other is a denim vest with a ridiculous number of pockets on it. The Singing Guy would not be caught dead in either of them. Which do you think should be the next garment surprise for The Singing Guy?
The battle has been joined. I think it was Karen Carpenter who said “we’ve only just begun”. Bend to my will Singing Guy, victory will be mine.
- Tiny Big Corduroy Pants, My Weapon Of Choice (blurts.wordpress.com)