Five Routine Minutes: My AARP Card Arrives.
Posted: June 10, 2011 Filed under: Five Minutes, Foolishness, Getting older | Tags: aarp, aging, art, Bruce Springsteen, comedy, drawing, humor, postaweek2011, stick figures, The Ramones 36 CommentsAs I sorted through the mail the other day, I tossed an envelope that said “card enclosed” to the side and was about to shred it on the assumption that it was another credit card offer. On my way to the shredder, I realized that the envelope contained my AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) card. I am aware that I am aging, but it is quite another thing to have that fact confirmed by an organization whose business it is to know of such things.
(If they were alive, The Ramones would be in AARP now. Gabba Gabba, we accept you, one of us.)
When I started to come to grips with what I had in my hand, I did what any reasonable person would do. I texted a picture of it, along with an obscenity, to some friends. Then I realized that most of the people I sent it to already have their AARP cards, two of them got one this year. Another is really old and frail.
Getting an AARP card is as much a rite of passage as getting a driver’s license. A lot of privileges come with membership in the organization and with being (not quite) fifty years old. Now I am in the same club as some of my friends, my parents, and Bruce Springsteen. Clearly this is improving my lot, while not necessarily doing the same for them.
My membership in that group of wise and esteemed people is now official. It’s not the lines in my face, or the gray in what’s left of my hair that helps me cross the line to being part of that group. It is the card that does it. With that card in my pocket I feel empowered to make all of you the first group to whom I will say…
Blurt 
With that card you can buy hearing aid batteries at 30%discount…..Welcome to the club.
What?
Congratulations! If it makes you feel better though I think they are sending those out earlier and earlier these days. They need to get rid of the “R” though since no one seems to be able to retire any more. Maybe it should be the American Association of Old People.
As best I can tell, they got this into the mail exactly 6 months before my 50th.
I’m with you on the retirement thing. I’m going to retire from my current job in 2013 and go find another right away
Thank you, Oma – I didn’t need an AARP card to realize I was wiser than the adolescents around me at work, but the reminder is appreciated! The other day, one of these “children” coworkers asked me who Buddy Holly was. I had to walk out of the breakroom without getting my Ensure out of the fridge.
Next time they get sassy like that, feel free to bop them with your metal lunchbox and matching thermos.
My friend just turned 50, signed up for AARP and immediately saved $150 off a truck rental (she is moving from MO to CO). I have a lot of older friends (ahem, I’m 39) and most don’t do the membership cos they don’t “do” stuff it helps…so, the key is if you do crap that they cover. If so, like that truck rental, what a bargain!
Happy 50th!
Man I could have used that truck rental thing when my son was in HS marching band.
I’m not sure why they don’t have the AAPP…American Association of Poor People. Poor people deserve discounts too!
Poor people are supposed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Perhaps the AAPP can have seminars on what the hell a boot strap is and how it puts food in your kids’ tummies.
Wow. AARP huh? I just found a gray hair in my eyebrow the other day. If I’m not mistaken, it’s almost time for…yep…you know where I’m going with this…it’s THE THING to do as soon as you’re 50. The dreaded colonoscopy.
Enjoy.
Colonoscopy. All the cool kids are doing it.
Now, you and your one gray eyebrow hair, get off my lawn…and I’m keeping this ball too. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’ve always thought it was kind of creepy that AARP knows everyone’s birthday. And since they’re being creepy anyway, they should take the next step: find out your favorite cake flavor and send you a cake.
I’m still six months from being 50. I should have written my cake request on my paperwork when I sent it in.. I’m going to consult you more on important stuff like this.
Chocolate, Chocolate icing. Plentiful icing.
I’ll bet Springsteen and Prince don’t use their AARP cards for discounts at the Shoney’s breakfast bar as much as you will.
Good point. I have to start interviewing a bunch of guys my age to meet at the breakfast bar every day at 6 am. If I can get Springsteen are you in when your card comes?
I’m feeling a bit left out that my 50th is only two months away and I’ve not been extended the membership invitation. But perhaps this is one of those situations where being dissed is a good thing, they know I’m not anywhere close in terms of maturity.
61 was a damned fine year wasnt it?
How have you avoided them? You’re in witness protection arent you?
I remember this event well. I staggered sluggishly away from the PO box knowing that life as I thought I knew it had changed forever.
Now, I am pretty excited about being able to remember that so vividly.
Congrats Omawarisan on your Rite of Passage.
Thank you. Did you know we get cheap truck rentals?
When I get my card I will say “Hey kids mow my lawn” because kids always do the opposite of what old people say.If they don’t well nothing lost but at least they will stay off my lawn. I will now what for mine to arrive…..later next year.
Start looking 6 months ahead of your birthday…unless you’re in hiding like some others.
Wait, does that mean if I say get off my lawn they will mow it? It needs it.
Congratulations. You made it! Almost.
I’m running headlong at it. Not sure what it is but I’m just going to see what happens.
I got my invite when I was 48 I still haven’t joined out of spite.
We need you. One of us.
If you belong to AAA, you can cancel them. The AARP discounts are at least as good and the AARP cost is so much less.
If you like Denny’s, AARP get you $1 coffee there AND 20% off the entire menu menu from 4 – 10 PM. (Even off the $2-$4-$6-$8 menu) At Regal theaters, AARP gets you 32 ounce drink and 44 ounce popcorn for $5.50 for both! (About 50% off.)
Wcclome to the club!
What? You can’t steal popcorn for that price at the movies
I’m a mere 4 weeks away from my 50th birthday…our organization in Canada is called CARP! I’m not sure whether I’ll bother to join or not…it seems like the things one gets discounts on are pretty much purchases people with disposable income are likely to make!
My buddy Mike just turned 55, which is typically the point where most senior discounts kick in…we told him that when we all go to dinner before seeing Gregg Allman at the Jazz and Blues Festival this fall that Mike should tell the waitress he’s paying the tab, so we can all get the discount!
Wendy
Wait, can I get discounts on Gregg Allman tickets too?
Did you know that AARP officially dropped American Association for (of) Retired Persons because about a third of its members were not retired?
AARP also turned 50 a few years ago. I wonder what its AARP card looks like.
Are there any other useless facts I can toss in your direction?
P.S. I’m quite impressed with the artistic growth evidenced by this new set of self-portraits. That action shot of the ‘knock-knock’ is so lifelike, I had to stop myself from saying, “Who’s there?!”
I’ve got 2.5 years to go before I earn my R, that they have taken the meaning away from…and then I’ll go to work again. Might as well keep their stats up
and if you were in there with Springsteen and didn’t let me in I am going back in time and finding you at the Capital Centre at a concert and making you leave.
It’s almost worth lying and telling you I was, just to get a glimpse of your spiffy Cap Centre jacket. Alas, I cannot tell a lie and so I will share the sad truth that I have never seen Springsteen or Buffett live.
hey,those bright red polyester jackets were the best.
I may have told you this before, but I got mail from AARP when I was 21.